Faced with the threat of overdose undermining the effectiveness of my usual source, I have officially taken up a new vice. As I sit here at my desk, polishing off the last drops of my bottle, I can see the pattern of the next few weeks stretching out before me.

Although, i knew the Japanese were rampent consumers of this good, i had before managed to resist my relapse into this habit through sheer force of will, despite having cumulatively spent close to half a year in Japan.

Alas, no longer. I am sad to report that my daily consumption dose has steadily been climbing upward since wednesday when I started work. I maintain however that although peer presure has definitely played a part in my descent, (everybody can be seen to drink much of this, esp late in the day), I take full responsibilty for my own downfall.

For the moment, the pattern and plan is to abstain on weekends, hopefully reducing the risk of rapid acclimitazation to the drug, letting the dose slowly increase throughout the week.

Unfortunately, I am sad to report that the odds are entirely against me. My mother is a known addict and at the peak of my addiction, (which occured when I was 14 - I was always a precocious kid), I was known to need 6 doses a day to avoid going into withdrawal.

And if by this point you haven't already figured it out. I'm talking about Coffee.

Spent the day wandering around roppongi. I like the shops on the street much better than the hills which is practically a city within a city, it's kinda like a mall cum residences kind of place. Found an english book sale too :-p Not bad for a start.

By the way my apartment is gorgeous. I know I've said this to everyone already but I really love it. Right at the heart of town, on the main road, it's got really good security. you can't even get in the main door to the complex without a key. Fully airconditioned, large, with cable. It's actually fairly large. I love this apartment. It also costs more than my salary. :-p. Guess this is a strictly one-off opportunity.

I am exhausted. I don't know why travelling in planes always does that to you. Leave you far more tired than you ought to be considering you haven't been moving much the entire time. Perhaps it's the stress of entering a new country or foreign one and having to find your way.

But yes, my apartment is gorgeous. Or at least it is to me. Considering I was expecting a tiny thing this is gorgeous, palatial by tokyo standards. *grin* I love it already. My very own personal space. You know, I could get used to this, even if living alone in tokyo is a little lonely, everyone's been really nice so far.

I think I'll go take a bath in the lovely tub... *smile* I loooooooove having an apartment. With AIRCONDITION. *grin* it was 34.5 degrees celcius when I arrived and that was in the evening... i hate to think what noon weather will be like.

Am at the airport now having forgotten:
1. my i-20
2. my contract
3. my sia mileage card.
 
Oh well, I will have the second faxed to my apartment in Japan and the other two hopefully gotten later.
Hee hee, oops. Apparently I'm not too good at remembering important things.
 
Since I'm severely sleep deprived I shall now board the plane and attempt to sleep until they ply me with food and/or entertainment. Something else I forgot, a book. I forgot I have an unread book in my room, the latest Magaret Atwood. Darned, I was looking forward to reading it too. I really have to remember details like that. Now I won't get to read it for another year.
 
To all those who I did see in Singapore: i had a great time and thanks for the memories
To those I didn't: Sorry I wasn't in Singapore so long this time but hope I'll see you next trip round.
 
First day of work tomorrow. Just thinking of it gives my stomach butterflies. I wish I was drop dead gorgeous or at least have better fitting suits. Maybe that would have given me slightly more confidence :-p.
 

Oooh. I got my apartment detail. I'm going to be living in Roppongi :-) That's like the equivalant of having a service apartment in Orchard Road. Which is what it is by the way... a service apartment. *grin* I get to walk to work. :-)
How many people can say that?
 

Another hung over, slept way too late last night and woke up too early this morning, day. Desipte me blogging 2 days ago that I am really old to be doing this I wound up doing it all over again.

To crown that all off, my mum woke me at 9 this morning, a phone call for my mum woke me again at 10 and a phone call for me woke me at 11. At which point I have decided not to bother trying to go back to sleep

But right, about that phone call for me. Apparently I'm flying on Monday or Tuesday to start work in Tokyo. Unfortunately the catch is that since I'm going in on a tourist visa, they can't pay me till my actual visa comes through and is converted which might be at the last week.. so I'm going to have to find a way to survive on tokyo with little or no money!

Hmmmm.... I forsee problems. :-p

I am definitely not as young as I used to be. I say this because it's 11am and i just got up from having been out till 4am in the morning. The distinct heavy groggy feeling you get from having had a strange amount of sleep and having stayed up too late is defintely making the world seem removed through a layer of film.

How did I use to stay up till 6-7am in the morning and not even feel the effects when I a woke 4-5 hours later? Even better, how did I use to go dancing till 3am AND stay out that late without feeling the effects. Probably the miricle of youth. And here I was thinking that I was going to be able to do this on a daily basis, working in the intense financial sector. I imagine this will get worse as I get older.

Recently I've become hooked on Laurel K. Hamilton's Anita Blake novels. Basically, sex, blood and violence all wrapped up in a neat little package. Although I'd be the first to admit that i like sensual writing and thus the novels would hold a natural pull for me, I think what really attracts me to these novels is the heroine in the tale, Anita.

Supposedly a vampire hunter, she ends up sleeping with both a vampire and a werewolf and worrying about whether or not she is turning more into a monster than both of them. Strangely enough, it's not her humanity that attracts me to her but what makes her a "monster", the ability to kill because it is necessary to protect herself, people she cares about or for the "greater good". The lack of sleep loss after such a kill. Not letting anyone else do anything she wouldn't do herself, even if what is required is distasteful. In one instance, she tortures a baddie because it was necessary and she wouldn't make someone else do something she wasn't willing to do.

I guess it's the hard and fast ability to do what is necessary that attracts me so much to her. I once had a friend comment that she could see me ruling the world but none of my other friends and when pressed to ask why, she said it was because anyone else would be too nice to get the job done. To any of my old schoolmates who knew me before, I'm sure at this point they would be wondering what gives, since I was probably always one of the fluffiest and unclearminded of the lot. I know we don't see the changes that we ourselves go through but lately I've been wondering if it's not just that the persona I've built for myself in the US is different from the one in Singapore. Or maybe it's that you can't build personas for yourself and expect to disengage completely from them. So maybe in being more shielded and apart in the US, I've learnt to do that at all times.

If you had to kill 1000 people to save the world, would you do it? An extremely metaphysical question. A long time ago, I answered that I'd rather kill myself than kill someone else, but when it comes down to it if I had to kill someone in order that a 1000 people might be saved, that's a very different question. I might very well do it. And if I had to do it, I'm not sure I would be strong enough to do it by my own hand rather than simply ordering someone else to do it. I would like to be but... Some part of me would be scared that I would enjoy the killing, the power over someone else's life. Some part of me will be terrified that i'm killing some more innocence I used to have. You can't kill someone else or do anything against your morals without sacrificing at least a part of yourself really. But if we don't face up to our own monsters how can we make others do so?

Other recent readings that I'm still thinking about include The Unbearable Lightness of Being, but that is one book that needs to sit and germinate before i can write anything on it.

I'm confused.

I've just been informed through email that the intern visa would take 4 weeks to process. As it is I have seven weeks left of summer.. seven weeks left to do an internship and I don't see how a three week internship serves anyone's purpose. I was also given the impression that I would be able to do seven weeks.

*sigh*

Would I even still go to Japan? The case hangs on a balance.