I found a new song I like. It's called 想念你的歌. I just like the words.
In other news, I'm busy at work again. I like my job and all but sometimes I wonder if there's anything more to life. Sometimes it just seems as though life in its whole is like being in an ant farm. There must be more than this but you just can't see it, and all you have in front of you is the usual paths and things that everyone else is doing and so you do it too.
When I was in Singapore, I felt trapped in by society, by family, by expectations. Strangely enough, out of Singapore, with the whole world at my feet and really anywhere that I can go, I don't feel any more free. Or maybe I am free but suddenly realize that there's no place else to go. No cage to break out of, but no larger world to break into either. I can't even tell you what I'm looking for. I have everything I want... rewarding work, challenge, enough pay to live comfortably, friends, a life.
So yet while there's nothing I want, there's a quiet yearning for something more, something different, something better that doesn't exist.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
4 meme
Just felt like doing one (a meme). At some point I'll do the other number ones....
4 Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Analyst (current job) basically all round researcher/analyst random stuff person
2. Summer analyst (trading floor)
3. Cafe counter girl
4. English teacher (sadly to say this was the best paying job of all... US$35 an hour!)
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over Again
Disclaimer: I'm not a big fan of movies so erm.. actually its more like 4 I would watch again rather than over and over again.
1. Mirrormask
2. Finding Nemo
3. Love Letter (Japanese)
4. Samurai X (I forget the title but its the tragic one with his past)
4 TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. CSI (The original)
2. Coupling! (British version please)
3. Whose Line is it Anyway
4. Anime (I know I'm being generic)
4 Places You've Lived In
1. Kyoto, Japan
2. Singapore
3. Boston/Providence US (I know there're different but sorta close)
4. Tokyo, Japan
4 Places You've Been On Vacation To
1. Australia (Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide...)
2. Brazil
3. London
4. Palm Springs/LA
4 Places You'd Rather Be
1. Kyoto. Either downtown or in one of the many gardens.
2. Disneyland or DisneySea (in tokyo)
3. .. The rest it's not so much I'd rather be there as who I'd rather be with...
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Raw Fish.. namely Ikura and Negitoro Donburi.
2. Warabi Mochi
3. Yam Paste.. the teochew kind that's super fattenning
4. parfeitts :-p
4 Websites You Visit Daily
1. Gmail
2. Google... generally the news section
3. boingboing.net (lately)
4. random webcomics and blogs
4 Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Analyst (current job) basically all round researcher/analyst random stuff person
2. Summer analyst (trading floor)
3. Cafe counter girl
4. English teacher (sadly to say this was the best paying job of all... US$35 an hour!)
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over Again
Disclaimer: I'm not a big fan of movies so erm.. actually its more like 4 I would watch again rather than over and over again.
1. Mirrormask
2. Finding Nemo
3. Love Letter (Japanese)
4. Samurai X (I forget the title but its the tragic one with his past)
4 TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. CSI (The original)
2. Coupling! (British version please)
3. Whose Line is it Anyway
4. Anime (I know I'm being generic)
4 Places You've Lived In
1. Kyoto, Japan
2. Singapore
3. Boston/Providence US (I know there're different but sorta close)
4. Tokyo, Japan
4 Places You've Been On Vacation To
1. Australia (Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide...)
2. Brazil
3. London
4. Palm Springs/LA
4 Places You'd Rather Be
1. Kyoto. Either downtown or in one of the many gardens.
2. Disneyland or DisneySea (in tokyo)
3. .. The rest it's not so much I'd rather be there as who I'd rather be with...
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Raw Fish.. namely Ikura and Negitoro Donburi.
2. Warabi Mochi
3. Yam Paste.. the teochew kind that's super fattenning
4. parfeitts :-p
4 Websites You Visit Daily
1. Gmail
2. Google... generally the news section
3. boingboing.net (lately)
4. random webcomics and blogs
Friday, February 03, 2006
of everybody I know, who came from singapore to study here, I think I'm the only one that chose to stay. Of course, I'm the only one who had the choice to stay not being on scholarship, but lately I've been thinking that maybe that was a good thing after all... a very good thing.
Over cny, my mum found out that nobody she knew in Singapore was happy in their job. Not one of my cousins, not one of her friends' children. Suddenly, she decided to stop pressuring me to come home.
As tiring as my job is (the 2am nights are likely to continue again soon), it is also among other things, challenging, interesting and above all, fulfilling. In addition, it's a pleasure working with other people who feel the same way about the job because you can rely on them to do the best they can and to get things done. In contrast, I think if I were to go home to work, I'd feel stuck and be surrounded by many people feeling the same way.
Not to disparage many of the scholars who have gone home, (some of them are happy where they are), but I think I got the better deal here. Sure I have a bunch of debt and sure I may be far away from many of the people I care about and who care about me, but in exchange, the job I spend 50-70 out of 112 or so waking hours each week, I go to each day happily.
Of course, right now I still have a ton of friends in the area who I hang out with and enjoy life with so lonliness is not a factor but we can't all stay here forever. If I follow the typical american path, or at least the one my friends seem to take, I'd be going to grad school in a couple of years (some kind of grad school anyway, MBA, Law or Phd) and then after that would be a whole new set of choices again.
Over cny, my mum found out that nobody she knew in Singapore was happy in their job. Not one of my cousins, not one of her friends' children. Suddenly, she decided to stop pressuring me to come home.
As tiring as my job is (the 2am nights are likely to continue again soon), it is also among other things, challenging, interesting and above all, fulfilling. In addition, it's a pleasure working with other people who feel the same way about the job because you can rely on them to do the best they can and to get things done. In contrast, I think if I were to go home to work, I'd feel stuck and be surrounded by many people feeling the same way.
Not to disparage many of the scholars who have gone home, (some of them are happy where they are), but I think I got the better deal here. Sure I have a bunch of debt and sure I may be far away from many of the people I care about and who care about me, but in exchange, the job I spend 50-70 out of 112 or so waking hours each week, I go to each day happily.
Of course, right now I still have a ton of friends in the area who I hang out with and enjoy life with so lonliness is not a factor but we can't all stay here forever. If I follow the typical american path, or at least the one my friends seem to take, I'd be going to grad school in a couple of years (some kind of grad school anyway, MBA, Law or Phd) and then after that would be a whole new set of choices again.