funny how everything can seem alright when you have something to do. if fact, you can even deceive yourself that you are not miserable for an incredibly long time when you have work. and then of course you finally finish the work and you can relax and then the whole world comes crashing down on you becuase suddenly you're allowed to breathe again. suddenly you're allowed to feel again. The human mind is amazing in it's ability to pretend. someitmes I'm amazed at the way I can simply put that two-sided mask back on again as easily as that. smiling on both outsides and insides, smiling at darkness and pretending it's light. or maybe, it's not funny at all. but at the moment it's all that keeps me sane.