Wow. Finally a decent blog entry from both D and J. Definitely kudos to J though, I've missed your social commentaries. I shan't post my looong replies to your blogouts. but I will give my response here :-p kinda like a email thread except online huh?
On Singaporeans:
Yeah, I definitely see the big gap, but then I think I've always known it because my family actually has people in both sides of the Singaporean population: to be politically correct, the cosmopolatian and the heartlanders. I found myself explaining this in Japanese to my host family in Japan. That I wasn't really one of the "typical" Singaporeans. What disturbs me more than that though, is that I'm beginning to feel that not only do I not fit in with the heartlanders, I don't even fit in in the elite here anymore. It's really hard to keep a grip on being Singaporean and belonging somewhere when that happens.
Most of my friends back in brown aren't singaporean. Met up with A today who said the same thing, that most of her friends weren't singaporean and she didn't understand why so many singaporeans came so far only to hang out and talk only to other singaporeans. So J, you're in good company there, at least we're meeting new people. At the same time, Ay this morning commented to me that I always intrigued her because I had such a broad worldview. I guess what I'm really trying to bring across is that I'm beginning to feel more and more a global citizen rather than a local one and that has both good and bad points.
Since the good is obvious, well, the bad is that I feel more and more out of place everytime I go home. Met up with old classmates the other day and began to realize that even though they were "elite", I felt decidedly out of place. So far, I think I was the happiest in Japan, but then I didn't really had to "live" in Japan. I got to hang out with Jp, B and C. Americans in an asian world. And not American Americans either, but ones with a broad liberal world view. I guess for now I have a year or so yet to decide where I belong.
So J, maybe we can form a classification of our own? :-p I have a number of friends that fall under that catergory and they're my better friends.
On anime:
Not all anime is good. I'd be the first to admit that. I like and admire what can be done with the medium but I think of anime as that, a medium and not a genre. The difference? a genre is like horror, or fantasy. A catergory wheras a medium is more like watercolour, film, text. So Anime for me is precisely that, a medium. What comes out of it depends on how good the director, the artist, is. I really like the Utena movie. I really like certain animes and what are done with them. and what I really like I guess are the adult animes. the ones that deal with humans, with what might be dark in human nature, with serious issues :-p
on LOTR 3:
loved the scenery and landscape. advertisment for new zealand really. I really must go see Jd sometime in New Zealand. More thoughts on this later got to go.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Saturday, December 27, 2003
had lots of fun.. way too much fun this weekend
went out for supper with sinch and derek on friday night ice cream and got back at 2am
went out last night (sat night) for dinner, and then arcade games.... para para was fun. lol at least I'm good at timing although the usual beng kids are lots better at hte dance part..and we played bishibishi bash.. back to being kids. and then we went to karaoke.. (japan is cheaper and better) and then we went for supper and then we went to listen to beautiful jazz at harry's... *grin* and today we're going for tea.
lol I love doing the usual fun stuff...
went out for supper with sinch and derek on friday night ice cream and got back at 2am
went out last night (sat night) for dinner, and then arcade games.... para para was fun. lol at least I'm good at timing although the usual beng kids are lots better at hte dance part..and we played bishibishi bash.. back to being kids. and then we went to karaoke.. (japan is cheaper and better) and then we went for supper and then we went to listen to beautiful jazz at harry's... *grin* and today we're going for tea.
lol I love doing the usual fun stuff...
Monday, December 22, 2003
more up to date long thought out entry at home on my computer that will be posted later but needed to rant.
AAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! okay that was my primodial scream if I spelt that right. just received an email from m and they signed a lease for a house that is 575 a month with an extra 150 for heat and not including electicity and internet. Plus I'd have to pay a 500 off campus housing charge. I CAN"T AFFORD THAT KIND OF MONEY. so i either have to find a way to afford it or leave the girls stranded and go into the lottery for a single alone. Neither of which I really want to do. but I may not have a choice at this rate. Why doesn't anyone have any SENSE? AArgh my only faint hope is that the lease is not for the entire year. which I seriously doubt. aargh.
AAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! okay that was my primodial scream if I spelt that right. just received an email from m and they signed a lease for a house that is 575 a month with an extra 150 for heat and not including electicity and internet. Plus I'd have to pay a 500 off campus housing charge. I CAN"T AFFORD THAT KIND OF MONEY. so i either have to find a way to afford it or leave the girls stranded and go into the lottery for a single alone. Neither of which I really want to do. but I may not have a choice at this rate. Why doesn't anyone have any SENSE? AArgh my only faint hope is that the lease is not for the entire year. which I seriously doubt. aargh.
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Yeah for those of you who don�t already know I sprained my ankle two days before I was supposed to fly out from Japan. And changing planes when you can barely walk.. correction limp or hop, is NOT fun. Lol. Actually hobbling around town trying to run all my last minute errands was interesting too. If you actually take the whole ancient Chinese thing that interesting is a curse rather than a blessing :-p. Anyhow, since I�m suffering from a lack of blogging out here in the hinterlands of Kuching. Here goes:
On Thai Airways: I have to admit the food was good even if the plane wasn�t. I mean I actually finished their noodles.. but the really taker? Nama Wa Gashi for tea!!!!! That�s the made that very day version of Japanese dessert that is served with tea ceremonies. Yummy.
On Leaving Japan: It�s barely been a week and I�m suffering from food withdrawal. I NEED the healthy eating clean cut kind of food I was getting.. eek. In addition there�s also shopping and karaoke withdrawal but to a much less degree. I also miss my friends from there Waaaay too much, more than I�m supposed too since I don�t miss my friends at brown that much despite not having seen them for almost a year rather than a week. So if anyone tells you absence makes the heart grow fonder, kick them in the shins. Actually there�s a perfectly logical explanation that I KNOW I�m going to see my brown friends again and I might not ever see my KCJS friends again but�.. at the moment that�s not helping.. much.
On Kuching: There�s definitely less and less to do everytime I come here. :-p I mean I�ve done all the touristy things.. about a million times. So there�s not much left to do or buy. And while I like most of the people here.. well let�s just say I learnt some interesting lessons that not everyone here has learnt like even if the place you live in is small, your world doesn�t have to be small. I suppose it�s a good reminder to have. The interesting thing is that ultimately whether you�re in small town in Malaysia or in America is that it�s so easy to get caught up in the little issues and think that just because these are the important things to your life they are to everyone else. Maybe not just small town people but everybody has to watch to fall into this trap. Not that personal little things aren�t important but I think it�s a matter of learning to be large with your heart so that little things that are praise or helping others become important but little complaints are forgotten.
On Thai Airways: I have to admit the food was good even if the plane wasn�t. I mean I actually finished their noodles.. but the really taker? Nama Wa Gashi for tea!!!!! That�s the made that very day version of Japanese dessert that is served with tea ceremonies. Yummy.
On Leaving Japan: It�s barely been a week and I�m suffering from food withdrawal. I NEED the healthy eating clean cut kind of food I was getting.. eek. In addition there�s also shopping and karaoke withdrawal but to a much less degree. I also miss my friends from there Waaaay too much, more than I�m supposed too since I don�t miss my friends at brown that much despite not having seen them for almost a year rather than a week. So if anyone tells you absence makes the heart grow fonder, kick them in the shins. Actually there�s a perfectly logical explanation that I KNOW I�m going to see my brown friends again and I might not ever see my KCJS friends again but�.. at the moment that�s not helping.. much.
On Kuching: There�s definitely less and less to do everytime I come here. :-p I mean I�ve done all the touristy things.. about a million times. So there�s not much left to do or buy. And while I like most of the people here.. well let�s just say I learnt some interesting lessons that not everyone here has learnt like even if the place you live in is small, your world doesn�t have to be small. I suppose it�s a good reminder to have. The interesting thing is that ultimately whether you�re in small town in Malaysia or in America is that it�s so easy to get caught up in the little issues and think that just because these are the important things to your life they are to everyone else. Maybe not just small town people but everybody has to watch to fall into this trap. Not that personal little things aren�t important but I think it�s a matter of learning to be large with your heart so that little things that are praise or helping others become important but little complaints are forgotten.
Sunday, December 14, 2003
back in school probably for the last time today. and it's kinda sad that I'm leaving. it really does feel like home when you have a small center where everyone knows everyone and I really liked the opportunity to make friends. I've made some good friends after only being here for four months so just to say it's been fantastic. I hate goodbyes so I tend to ignore them. :-p not exactly the best attitude to have huh?
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Alright here comes long responses to everbody's posts. or at least kind of thought out ones I hope.
on homosexual marriage:
you can do that in Massachusetts now if you want. you can get a civil union in vermont but you can actually get married now in Massachusetts :-p I think it's a good thing. and yeah I don't think the dynamics in a relationship are the same at all but I've also seen guy-girl relationships with unconventional dynamics I think so I think it's all in the individual couples. and why do i have more bi/gay/les/ friends than I have straight ones? and yes I have tried to decide if I could ever possibly be bi, but haven't yet met a girl I wanted yet.
on america:
I agree. Unless you go to a liberal university you'll find that most of the people you meet don't have a very cosmopolitian or very free mindset. London is much much much more liberal in that sense and I felt more comfortable there than I had ever been in the US which was supposed to be the liberal one. Luckily enough I chose the most liberal university you can get on the east coast and I don't encounter much of the prejudice and stuff in daily life.
on rpging group:
Lol. I agree about the halfling thief thing simply because I recog. that i have a lot of the thief elements in me. but I would never make it as one just based on my dex skills. :-p. why halfling though? but the rest are mostly dead on. lol
on god:
yeah well.. you all know my views on this kinda.
on IRS:
lol. I had some good times with IRS. also some bloody long bizarre nights. doing a year long project should not be advocated for 10 year olds no matter how smart they're supposed to be.
on fujitsu:
all I can say is one word "sexy"
that alone makes it worth the price.
on Mary Sue:
one of the good ways to write is to write what you know, and lots of times we need to insert bits of ourselves and our emotions into our characters in order to make them believable. In some way, every character you write is a part of you.
on Writing:
I do it only when i feel like it or have the time which is almost never. sad but true. I don't have the depth of carefulness it takes to be a writer. or rather I know it's wrong but I don't have the patience to slowly work it out. same with the way I draw.
on Utena:
I would summarise it like this: Once upon a time, there was a girl who met a prince who gave her the hope and will to live. She decided that when she grew up, she wanted to be strong and true just like the prince. This story is about how this girl lives and keeps her dream even as she discovers that the reality her dream was based on does not live up to her dream.
on homosexual marriage:
you can do that in Massachusetts now if you want. you can get a civil union in vermont but you can actually get married now in Massachusetts :-p I think it's a good thing. and yeah I don't think the dynamics in a relationship are the same at all but I've also seen guy-girl relationships with unconventional dynamics I think so I think it's all in the individual couples. and why do i have more bi/gay/les/ friends than I have straight ones? and yes I have tried to decide if I could ever possibly be bi, but haven't yet met a girl I wanted yet.
on america:
I agree. Unless you go to a liberal university you'll find that most of the people you meet don't have a very cosmopolitian or very free mindset. London is much much much more liberal in that sense and I felt more comfortable there than I had ever been in the US which was supposed to be the liberal one. Luckily enough I chose the most liberal university you can get on the east coast and I don't encounter much of the prejudice and stuff in daily life.
on rpging group:
Lol. I agree about the halfling thief thing simply because I recog. that i have a lot of the thief elements in me. but I would never make it as one just based on my dex skills. :-p. why halfling though? but the rest are mostly dead on. lol
on god:
yeah well.. you all know my views on this kinda.
on IRS:
lol. I had some good times with IRS. also some bloody long bizarre nights. doing a year long project should not be advocated for 10 year olds no matter how smart they're supposed to be.
on fujitsu:
all I can say is one word "sexy"
that alone makes it worth the price.
on Mary Sue:
one of the good ways to write is to write what you know, and lots of times we need to insert bits of ourselves and our emotions into our characters in order to make them believable. In some way, every character you write is a part of you.
on Writing:
I do it only when i feel like it or have the time which is almost never. sad but true. I don't have the depth of carefulness it takes to be a writer. or rather I know it's wrong but I don't have the patience to slowly work it out. same with the way I draw.
on Utena:
I would summarise it like this: Once upon a time, there was a girl who met a prince who gave her the hope and will to live. She decided that when she grew up, she wanted to be strong and true just like the prince. This story is about how this girl lives and keeps her dream even as she discovers that the reality her dream was based on does not live up to her dream.
100 QUESTIONS
1. Full name: I'm not putting my name up :-p if you know who I am you know who I am.
2. Nicknames: This one's been over done too. trust me you know my nicknames.
3. Eyes: black
4. Height: 160 cm
5. Hair: black. white and gold stray strands. but black.
6. Siblings: two
7. Do u like to sing in the shower?: yep
8. Do u like to sing in the toilet?: nope
9. Birthday: 16 March
10.Sign: pisces
11. Address: again if you know it you know it.
12. Sex/Sexuality: f/straight.
13.Righty or lefty: right. lean towards left.
14. What do you want in a relationship most?: too many things
15. Have you ever cheated on someone: hmm... nope. don't think so.
16. Martial status: single
17. Do you have a car?: nope
18. What kinda car do you have/want?: is this a fantasy thing? cause I want a cool car that can fly like the tv show with that talking car
19. Movie: hmm... no idea. last movie i really liked was finding nemo
20. Song: too many
22. TV Show: ooh... so many, hmm.. will and grace, at the moment I really like Trick too.
23. Actor: none
24. Actress: none
26. Number: none
27. Cartoon: too many. does anime count? utena movie.
28. Disney: non-disney but anastasia..
29. Colour: blue
30. Do you plan on having children: ask me this in the future
31. Do you want to get married: hmmm.. tough decision. if i meet the right guy
32. How old do u wanna be when you have your first child: see question 30
33. How old do u wanna be when your married: Sheesh. enough with the marraige questions already.
34. Would you have kids before marriage: if I wanted to yeah
35. Do you have a b/f or g/f: nope
37. Do you have a crush: nope
38. Music/TV: music
39. Guys/Girls: guys
40. Green/Blue: blue
41. Pink/Purple: purple
42. Summer/Winter: winter
43. Night/Day: night
46. Weird saying I have: too many :-p practically everything I say
47. What skool do u go to?: brown
48. have you ever taken drugs?: no
49. What's a major turn on for you?: a sense of humour
50. How far would you go on a first date: how good a first date?? hmm? I would french kiss a guy. I think.
51. The PERSON you know who is: lol
Funniest: James
Happiest: Jon because he has ness
Strangest: lol erm.. too many of them it's hard to decide. Chris possibly
Most Caring:
TALLest: not sure.. I don't measure...
Smartest: in what way?
52. Best All Around Person:
53. What do you think of soul mates?: you're damned lucky if they exist and you find one
54. is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf?: if it's alright with the bf/gf yeah.
55. what was the last thing you cried over or got teary about?: too many things. might have been a tv show
56. what's something about guys/girls you don't get?: eh? erm... lots of things I think.. about both.
57. are you happy?: yeah
60. Love or lust: both :-p
61. Silver or gold: silver
62. Diamond or pearl: diamond
63. Sunset or sunrise: sunset
64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping (to swim in the nude): nope eh.. well except for an onsen
65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: not really
66. Do you have any piercings?: yeah
67. What colour underpants are you wearing?: at the moment? black
68. What song are you listening to right now?: none. the purr of the heater
69. What are the last four digits of your phone number: which one? 2418 now.
70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?: everywhere
71. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: myself :-p
72. What's your favourite sport?: prob. something that's not really a sport, like sky diving or parasailing
74. What makes you happy?: food. shopping. meeting new friends. hanging out iwth friends.
75. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get/buy?: hmm.. tough choice. whatever I find on sale
76. Do u wear contacts or glasses?: contacts
77. What's the best advice given to you?: live your own life, as long as you're happy with it.
78. Have you ever won any special awards?: eh? what kind? lots of misc ones when i was younger and more intelligent
79. What are your future goals?: nothing at the moment.
80. Worst sickness u ever had?: hmm.... can't remember one.. never been hospitalised.
81. Do you like Funny or scary movies better?: funny
82. On the phone or in person?: in person
83. Hugs or Kisses?: both!! I love hugs but I get kisses rarer so def. both.
84. What song seems to reflect you the most: eh? at the moment I really like onna no kisetu.
85. If you die tmr who wud u leave everything u own to?: I don't own anything that great
86. Do u have any enemies?: don't think so.
87. What is your greatest fear?: I don't know
88. Would you rather be rich or famous? : rich
89. What time is it in Albania now?: no idea
90. Have you ever been in love?: possibly.
91. Have you met santa?: yeah
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign asking to use your phone?: sure. why not.
94. Do u have any pets?: nope
97. Are you an alcoholic?: nope
98. Who sent this to you?: no one lol. well jon first but I got this off d's website.
99.What do you think of these persons: honestly? weird but cool.
100. Do u want your friends to write back?: *shrug* whatever.
1. Full name: I'm not putting my name up :-p if you know who I am you know who I am.
2. Nicknames: This one's been over done too. trust me you know my nicknames.
3. Eyes: black
4. Height: 160 cm
5. Hair: black. white and gold stray strands. but black.
6. Siblings: two
7. Do u like to sing in the shower?: yep
8. Do u like to sing in the toilet?: nope
9. Birthday: 16 March
10.Sign: pisces
11. Address: again if you know it you know it.
12. Sex/Sexuality: f/straight.
13.Righty or lefty: right. lean towards left.
14. What do you want in a relationship most?: too many things
15. Have you ever cheated on someone: hmm... nope. don't think so.
16. Martial status: single
17. Do you have a car?: nope
18. What kinda car do you have/want?: is this a fantasy thing? cause I want a cool car that can fly like the tv show with that talking car
19. Movie: hmm... no idea. last movie i really liked was finding nemo
20. Song: too many
22. TV Show: ooh... so many, hmm.. will and grace, at the moment I really like Trick too.
23. Actor: none
24. Actress: none
26. Number: none
27. Cartoon: too many. does anime count? utena movie.
28. Disney: non-disney but anastasia..
29. Colour: blue
30. Do you plan on having children: ask me this in the future
31. Do you want to get married: hmmm.. tough decision. if i meet the right guy
32. How old do u wanna be when you have your first child: see question 30
33. How old do u wanna be when your married: Sheesh. enough with the marraige questions already.
34. Would you have kids before marriage: if I wanted to yeah
35. Do you have a b/f or g/f: nope
37. Do you have a crush: nope
38. Music/TV: music
39. Guys/Girls: guys
40. Green/Blue: blue
41. Pink/Purple: purple
42. Summer/Winter: winter
43. Night/Day: night
46. Weird saying I have: too many :-p practically everything I say
47. What skool do u go to?: brown
48. have you ever taken drugs?: no
49. What's a major turn on for you?: a sense of humour
50. How far would you go on a first date: how good a first date?? hmm? I would french kiss a guy. I think.
51. The PERSON you know who is: lol
Funniest: James
Happiest: Jon because he has ness
Strangest: lol erm.. too many of them it's hard to decide. Chris possibly
Most Caring:
TALLest: not sure.. I don't measure...
Smartest: in what way?
52. Best All Around Person:
53. What do you think of soul mates?: you're damned lucky if they exist and you find one
54. is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf?: if it's alright with the bf/gf yeah.
55. what was the last thing you cried over or got teary about?: too many things. might have been a tv show
56. what's something about guys/girls you don't get?: eh? erm... lots of things I think.. about both.
57. are you happy?: yeah
60. Love or lust: both :-p
61. Silver or gold: silver
62. Diamond or pearl: diamond
63. Sunset or sunrise: sunset
64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping (to swim in the nude): nope eh.. well except for an onsen
65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: not really
66. Do you have any piercings?: yeah
67. What colour underpants are you wearing?: at the moment? black
68. What song are you listening to right now?: none. the purr of the heater
69. What are the last four digits of your phone number: which one? 2418 now.
70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?: everywhere
71. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: myself :-p
72. What's your favourite sport?: prob. something that's not really a sport, like sky diving or parasailing
74. What makes you happy?: food. shopping. meeting new friends. hanging out iwth friends.
75. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get/buy?: hmm.. tough choice. whatever I find on sale
76. Do u wear contacts or glasses?: contacts
77. What's the best advice given to you?: live your own life, as long as you're happy with it.
78. Have you ever won any special awards?: eh? what kind? lots of misc ones when i was younger and more intelligent
79. What are your future goals?: nothing at the moment.
80. Worst sickness u ever had?: hmm.... can't remember one.. never been hospitalised.
81. Do you like Funny or scary movies better?: funny
82. On the phone or in person?: in person
83. Hugs or Kisses?: both!! I love hugs but I get kisses rarer so def. both.
84. What song seems to reflect you the most: eh? at the moment I really like onna no kisetu.
85. If you die tmr who wud u leave everything u own to?: I don't own anything that great
86. Do u have any enemies?: don't think so.
87. What is your greatest fear?: I don't know
88. Would you rather be rich or famous? : rich
89. What time is it in Albania now?: no idea
90. Have you ever been in love?: possibly.
91. Have you met santa?: yeah
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign asking to use your phone?: sure. why not.
94. Do u have any pets?: nope
97. Are you an alcoholic?: nope
98. Who sent this to you?: no one lol. well jon first but I got this off d's website.
99.What do you think of these persons: honestly? weird but cool.
100. Do u want your friends to write back?: *shrug* whatever.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Sunday, December 07, 2003
It's official. I'm sick. and not in the mind way.. just the body way.. although some might disagree. In any case, here I am having done a test and typing away at my Noh paper.. or at least that's what I should be doing. And thinking now if only i can get my papers all done so I can get some rest.. or is that even going to happen :-p *sigh*
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Monday, December 01, 2003
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Its my hibernation weekend. basically I'm holed up in the center writing essays and doing work for the whole weekend. morning to night. hooray for having that much work. Actually hooray for having a center that I can work in. That's comfortable, has a kitchen and whose only catch involves loooong walks to and back from the center.
Friday, November 28, 2003
About the Kyoto bus system:
It's a weekend and its the tourist season. It's also raining. I stand at the busstop which for the above three reasons has a ton of people milling around and two buses go by with no chance to get on. they are that full. so as the second bus moves away, I decide maybe it would be better to walk. This is a 40 min walk in which i stop somewhere to get a drink. As a walk up to the busstop that i would have gotten off at the bus that I would have taken had I waited and been able to get on, pulls up. Tumari: it was faster and more certain that I would get to school in a 40 min walk than take the bus. Don't you just love the Kyoto bus system.
It's a weekend and its the tourist season. It's also raining. I stand at the busstop which for the above three reasons has a ton of people milling around and two buses go by with no chance to get on. they are that full. so as the second bus moves away, I decide maybe it would be better to walk. This is a 40 min walk in which i stop somewhere to get a drink. As a walk up to the busstop that i would have gotten off at the bus that I would have taken had I waited and been able to get on, pulls up. Tumari: it was faster and more certain that I would get to school in a 40 min walk than take the bus. Don't you just love the Kyoto bus system.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
did some admin stuff on my blog today. I admit I'm procrastinating doing work because I don't want to do it. I'd rather come in here tomorrow and have more work to do tomorrow. It's been more than two years since I started my blog. somehow I thought it was longer :-p I'm not a very faithful blogger but it's still up. That in itself is an achievement for me ;-p
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I'm back and its been almost a week.. where has time gone?? anyway this friday is thanksgiving and I volunteered to help plan dinner.. silly me. As Chris says I've forgetten his first rule.. NEVER volunteer for anything :-p. In any case. I have A TON of work to do. aargh. so at least i finished my edits of my japanese essay. Now i just have to memorise that presentation as well as write my NOH presentation AND my Noh 15 page paper and an 8 page Econ paper and study for the Econ and Japanese finals and JLPT2. I think that's it for now. if that isn't enough :-p
Thursday, November 20, 2003
btw for anyone who's interested, living vicariously does work, not long after my vicarious complaint, the universe decided that it would heed my compliant and throw a life my way.. or at least 2 hours of it. So i went to karaoke yesterday afternoon with two japanese students from Kyoto University and one of them was actually cute.. whoo hoo. yay for eye-candy. Unfortunately, now its back to the daily hum-drum of life :-p
Monday, November 17, 2003
Sunday, November 16, 2003
don't really want to write my essay so I decided to procrastinate by writing in my blog instead. At the moment we're studying family in japanese and interestingly enough according to the article we read, in japan it is relations with friends that are stronger than that with parents where in the other ten countries it was the other way round. Surveying the class, it seemed that the asian famiies were the ones that were not as close to thier parents which is ironic considering all the filial piety and family ties we're supposed to have. Or maybe it's because of that. if you're expected to respect your parents and maintain a certain distance can you ever really tell them your problems? on the other hand that could also be the reason why we like deep friendships rather than casual ones.
But now i have to write an essay on family which I'm really not prepared to write much less in japanese. *sigh*
But now i have to write an essay on family which I'm really not prepared to write much less in japanese. *sigh*
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
more work and the usual occupations. manga is addictive. just read a shortstory for japanese class about a 32 year old dating an 18 year old girl and about ennui but I still think that's creepy no matter how nice it sounds :-p I wouldn't date a 35 year old! then again... I've seen too many girls to believe that that's true across the board. And I suppose it does differ on a case by case basis but still..
some part of me is still creeped out by that :-p
some part of me is still creeped out by that :-p
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
need to tutor today :-p
Have a million and one things to do and no time to do them.. well at least I got one thing done yesterday..did my first draft essay for japanese for the group project. and about half of my travel report. So what's left is another japanese report, a japaenes essay, a rewrite of another japanes essay and Noh.
hooray for dying :-p
Have a million and one things to do and no time to do them.. well at least I got one thing done yesterday..did my first draft essay for japanese for the group project. and about half of my travel report. So what's left is another japanese report, a japaenes essay, a rewrite of another japanes essay and Noh.
hooray for dying :-p
Monday, November 10, 2003
so I didn't get much work done over the weekend but i did have fun :-p that counts for somehting right?
I went shopping on sunday and actually bought stuff! yay I'm happy.. i bought a sweatshirt, and socks! and also pressies.. *grin* I like shopping. also got to eat oishi food so I'm happy.
unfortunately I still have two papers to write.. Japanese reports, presentations, noh reports, tests, travel reports and a JLPT to fail :-p
I went shopping on sunday and actually bought stuff! yay I'm happy.. i bought a sweatshirt, and socks! and also pressies.. *grin* I like shopping. also got to eat oishi food so I'm happy.
unfortunately I still have two papers to write.. Japanese reports, presentations, noh reports, tests, travel reports and a JLPT to fail :-p
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
sooo soooo sooo drained after the weekend but since I had fun I guess I can't complian. what I can complain about is ALL the work that I have left to do!! Aaargh it's like everything just decided to accumulate at once. So here's what I have left to do...
major 15 page Noh report and presentation
Japanese survey, report and presentation
Japanese presentation (alone)
Report on what i did with the money the center gave me to travel :-p
Kanji Test
Tons of performances and performance reports after :-p
aargh. mostly in order of descending piorities.
On a good note I did have a good halloween :-p Halloween was great. I dressed up as a cat with like self made cat ears and face makeup. We had a great party and then jp, brett and I went down to the river. for some reason we always end up there. Oh right also forgot to mention that danny, jp and I trekked around the whole of the downtown area looking for costumes for me and Jp and danny WAS in costume. to be more precise a school girl's uniform.. whoo. did that attract stares. I think dillon really took the cake though. he was dressed as a french girl and he was GOOD. some of those moves.. well lets just say that us girls can't do them and he can :-p esp the strip dancing on the table.
major 15 page Noh report and presentation
Japanese survey, report and presentation
Japanese presentation (alone)
Report on what i did with the money the center gave me to travel :-p
Kanji Test
Tons of performances and performance reports after :-p
aargh. mostly in order of descending piorities.
On a good note I did have a good halloween :-p Halloween was great. I dressed up as a cat with like self made cat ears and face makeup. We had a great party and then jp, brett and I went down to the river. for some reason we always end up there. Oh right also forgot to mention that danny, jp and I trekked around the whole of the downtown area looking for costumes for me and Jp and danny WAS in costume. to be more precise a school girl's uniform.. whoo. did that attract stares. I think dillon really took the cake though. he was dressed as a french girl and he was GOOD. some of those moves.. well lets just say that us girls can't do them and he can :-p esp the strip dancing on the table.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Monday, October 27, 2003
I don't want to go back to school.... *whine whine* well I had a little bonus holiday yesterday cause my teachers weren't around but today is in general hell day cause erm.. yeah I have lots and lots of classes since it's a tues. and I'm all sleepy and lack of sleep too.. *yawn* on a brighter note I came up with an idea for a halloween costume :-p
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
I'm back from tokyo and it was great! I really enjoyed seeing the weird fashions that people came up with to wear and it was sooo different from kyoto which is really much much quieter. I also learnt a new drinking game called Kings. it:s a card game and it:s lots of fun if you play with the right people.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
I have to go off to tutor in like half an hour and I have yet to finish my noh paper due tomorrow.. or memorise the situations I'm supposed to for the oral examination tomorrow or study Japanese for my midterm on Friday. whoo hoo. I also have to pack sometime there and bring my luggage to school on friday so I can leave on the night bus on friday evening.. talk about hectic.
Monday, October 13, 2003
It's tuesday and it's the start of the week. It's really nice gettting the extra day holiday but tuesdays are like my longest day so it always seems so sad to have to start the week on a tuesday. It's really something you have to build up to. Well, this week is the week of midterms so it's busy busy busy but then I'm leaving for tokyo on friday night so that will be all well and good. and then I'll play my heart out for a week before going back to work. Birthday presents, birthday presents.. I really need to start shopping :-p
Thursday, October 09, 2003
aargh I'm really annoyed. first I'm prob. pmsing which is why I get annoyed so easily and second idiot people who say they want to go somewhere and then postpone and change their mind and leave me stranded ought to be shot. I mean honestly. I really wouldn't mind taking a knife and so twisiting it into their heart at this point. I'm in the mood to kill. preferably with a dull blade
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
i'm sitting here in the libaray waiting for the rain to stop or at least get a little less wet before i set off on my walk home and yet getting this strange feeling that that's like just not going to happen. it's gloriously gloriously wet outside and getting even more so and in the short span of a coupla days the temperature has dropped from burning hot to cool on the verge of cold. not that i'm complaining but walking home in the rain is a sure way to get a cold. I have a test tomorrow too but I really wnat to walk because i didn't make it to kawaramati in time to walk to school today so I really just want to walk home but it's sucky weather to be walking in i guess. *sigh* At least, I've accomplished most of my homework. All that's really really left is to study for tomorrow's test *aargh* I hate tests. I like them much better when they're mcq.. (that is when I can actually guess the answers and I'm not likely to know much) mcqs where i have to actually get a really high score suck *lol*
it's me again and yesterday was another holiday. which means a short week this week made even shorter by the fact that we're leaving on the okayama trip this friday. On the flip side though it means i don't have a lot of time to get work done since I know better than to think that i'll have any time over the weekend to get work done at all. I am looking forward to staying on a farm though I think it would be an experience.
So here i am ostentatiously doing my homework on my computer but in actuality waiting for my stuff to download :-p
I do have a bunch of homework plus a major test tomorrow so I should really do that instead though. ah well... back to the daily grind of life.
So here i am ostentatiously doing my homework on my computer but in actuality waiting for my stuff to download :-p
I do have a bunch of homework plus a major test tomorrow so I should really do that instead though. ah well... back to the daily grind of life.
Monday, September 22, 2003
yay I'm back again after a short break from no computer in school. And I had the greatest weekend. On saturday, I watched Shrek with Chanda, and yesterday I went down to Umeda to go shopping at Hanshin with Derek. We also had Kaiten Sushi... karaoke that was half-priced... and I have a green oversized kappa on my bed now! *beams* it's sooo cute and cuddly. Oh and we bought mangas to read. Now other than homework.. life is good.
added to that i had a danceparty in the lounge earlier with Danny, Amanda and Chanda so I'm happy. funny that the brown people are the ones who love the dance. I think I'm the worse at it though but i do have rhythmn i just have to learn how to move my body.
added to that i had a danceparty in the lounge earlier with Danny, Amanda and Chanda so I'm happy. funny that the brown people are the ones who love the dance. I think I'm the worse at it though but i do have rhythmn i just have to learn how to move my body.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Monday, September 08, 2003
hello everyone again. *waves madly*
yep it' s me again surprise surprise. basically I blog when I bother to lugh my huge heavy laptop to school. which I'm beginning to think may not be that often. it is heavy. well not really heavy but heavy enough for me.
anyway so I went to book-off yesterday and bought 3 mangas. they're not as good as karekano though *sob sob* but we'll see whether they get better. I really have to go buy 12 of KareKano. I need to find out what happened to tsubasa and kazuma. I like Kazuma. he's cool.
hmm.. as usual I get the feeling that I eat too much here. but i don't htink I've actually gained much weight. like maybe half a kg. I need to def. started working them off more or something.
On the classes front, I still haven't decided what to do yet.... On one hand I really don't wnat to take the politics class but on the other it might be easier to score than in the other classes. maybe I'll take the philosophy class. I'm slightly scared of the noh and kyogen class.
yep it' s me again surprise surprise. basically I blog when I bother to lugh my huge heavy laptop to school. which I'm beginning to think may not be that often. it is heavy. well not really heavy but heavy enough for me.
anyway so I went to book-off yesterday and bought 3 mangas. they're not as good as karekano though *sob sob* but we'll see whether they get better. I really have to go buy 12 of KareKano. I need to find out what happened to tsubasa and kazuma. I like Kazuma. he's cool.
hmm.. as usual I get the feeling that I eat too much here. but i don't htink I've actually gained much weight. like maybe half a kg. I need to def. started working them off more or something.
On the classes front, I still haven't decided what to do yet.... On one hand I really don't wnat to take the politics class but on the other it might be easier to score than in the other classes. maybe I'll take the philosophy class. I'm slightly scared of the noh and kyogen class.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Ate today so far: Bread, fruit, cheese, coffee
Calories: again I have no idea.
I didn't walk to school today. I've stopped walking to school for the time being until it cools down becuase it is simply TOO HOT to walk to school and have class right after. I need some cool down time. Today, actual classes start full swing. so it's going to be japanese classes in the morning and regular classes in the afternoon. I've decided to shop a couple of classes until I decide which ones to take. that might take a while but I really should decide soon so I can buy my books.
I bought a KeiTai on saturday! I can be contacted now! ain't that great?? I also need a denshi ziten which apparently I'm going to buy over from derek. but that doesn't really solve my problem of needing it right now!! :-p so I'm going to get it next week i guess.
I also spent sunday at Chanda's in sweet sweet air condition. It's supposed to get cooler by now but it hasn't so it's like singapore weather.. arrgh I can't wait for fall.
Calories: again I have no idea.
I didn't walk to school today. I've stopped walking to school for the time being until it cools down becuase it is simply TOO HOT to walk to school and have class right after. I need some cool down time. Today, actual classes start full swing. so it's going to be japanese classes in the morning and regular classes in the afternoon. I've decided to shop a couple of classes until I decide which ones to take. that might take a while but I really should decide soon so I can buy my books.
I bought a KeiTai on saturday! I can be contacted now! ain't that great?? I also need a denshi ziten which apparently I'm going to buy over from derek. but that doesn't really solve my problem of needing it right now!! :-p so I'm going to get it next week i guess.
I also spent sunday at Chanda's in sweet sweet air condition. It's supposed to get cooler by now but it hasn't so it's like singapore weather.. arrgh I can't wait for fall.
September 3rd.. 9pm..
I�m sitting here in my host family�s house in Japan where I�ll be spending the next three months of my life and already I can barely believe that a week has past. We have yet to settle into our schedule of daily life so I guess this still all has a slightly holiday feel to me, not to mention the lack of homework yet. Well, this will all pass all to soon. Actual Japanese classes start tomorrow. We did the placement test and I placed a lot higher than I thought. I�m presently in D class. The classes here are arranged in descending order from F, which consists of two people who are fluent. As a result I am actually kekko high on the placement order which scares me a little. On one hand I want to learn as much as possible and hopefully place in level 2 JLPT at the end of the year but on the other I don�t want to do badly on tests and things..
Well back to the original point, which was host family. I guess life is pretty good. I live pretty far from school but I don�t really mind the commute. I might mind more when school starts and I actually have homework but for the moment it�s alright. At least I�m getting exercise and I need it! Okasan�s food is sooo good. I�ve had a different kind of Japanese food each day for dinner! I�m definitely going to get fat if I don�t exercise. So I guess the combined two hours of working each day has a use after all!
My Japanese would hopefully get better across time as my host family doesn�t speak much English at all. As for the Center, well all the American students tend to speak English to each other *grin*
Can�t wait to get my Kei Tai.. that�s a handphone. And I really need one here since I don�t even have use of a home phone!
I�m sitting here in my host family�s house in Japan where I�ll be spending the next three months of my life and already I can barely believe that a week has past. We have yet to settle into our schedule of daily life so I guess this still all has a slightly holiday feel to me, not to mention the lack of homework yet. Well, this will all pass all to soon. Actual Japanese classes start tomorrow. We did the placement test and I placed a lot higher than I thought. I�m presently in D class. The classes here are arranged in descending order from F, which consists of two people who are fluent. As a result I am actually kekko high on the placement order which scares me a little. On one hand I want to learn as much as possible and hopefully place in level 2 JLPT at the end of the year but on the other I don�t want to do badly on tests and things..
Well back to the original point, which was host family. I guess life is pretty good. I live pretty far from school but I don�t really mind the commute. I might mind more when school starts and I actually have homework but for the moment it�s alright. At least I�m getting exercise and I need it! Okasan�s food is sooo good. I�ve had a different kind of Japanese food each day for dinner! I�m definitely going to get fat if I don�t exercise. So I guess the combined two hours of working each day has a use after all!
My Japanese would hopefully get better across time as my host family doesn�t speak much English at all. As for the Center, well all the American students tend to speak English to each other *grin*
Can�t wait to get my Kei Tai.. that�s a handphone. And I really need one here since I don�t even have use of a home phone!
Thursday, September 04, 2003
had for lunch: Bento from store and milk tea
Calories: I have no freaking idea. *grin*
nobody outside of america actually lists any calorie thingys on the sites it seems that is really really strange.
but yeah here I am in Japan and typing on the school computer cause i don't have anywhere else to type on.. *sob sob* sad huh? *grin*
but i really need to get a phone soon. and sicne I'l be positing the intro msg eventually I won't type it again here.
placed in D class which is DIFFICULT. *lol* that's what it should really stand for. E must be for Excruciating then since it's even higher. :-p
Calories: I have no freaking idea. *grin*
nobody outside of america actually lists any calorie thingys on the sites it seems that is really really strange.
but yeah here I am in Japan and typing on the school computer cause i don't have anywhere else to type on.. *sob sob* sad huh? *grin*
but i really need to get a phone soon. and sicne I'l be positing the intro msg eventually I won't type it again here.
placed in D class which is DIFFICULT. *lol* that's what it should really stand for. E must be for Excruciating then since it's even higher. :-p
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Monday, June 02, 2003
Just had dinner and all full... started writing a story that I'll probably never finished. and yep notyep. done much the whole day.. chatted to meg and heard full details about her date.. and chatted with filipa and heard bits of ben. *grin* so much fun though now I'm the only single one I think I'm destined to be this way good thing I'm acutally alright like this. yep
AARGH 20 kg of luggage how the heck am I going to do that ;-p
AARGH 20 kg of luggage how the heck am I going to do that ;-p
Thursday, May 29, 2003
went shopping yesterday in namba, and found a cool bookshop. Bought yoshimoto banana's kitchen in japanese. hopefully having a book i like will inspire me to go through it and learn well. *griN*
let's see what else did we do... we had fun... it was tiring. don't remember much else. tonight I'm going out for dinner with the malaysians and singaporeans or something so it seems. ooh boy. *sigh*
hmm.. typhoon hitting so may not be able to go to kyoto tomorrow. *sigh* I really want to go so I hope this all works out.
let's see what else did we do... we had fun... it was tiring. don't remember much else. tonight I'm going out for dinner with the malaysians and singaporeans or something so it seems. ooh boy. *sigh*
hmm.. typhoon hitting so may not be able to go to kyoto tomorrow. *sigh* I really want to go so I hope this all works out.
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
it's me again. hmm let's see.. went to USJ yesterday which was fun excpet for the lack of enough thrills. yeah I love thrills. I can't decide if that's somehow related to me working well under stress... hmmm.. defintely something to think about. but yeah. for some reason stress doesn't have the effect of freezing me like a rabbit caught under headlights. correction scratch that. I think if I feel its a hopeless case I would do that.. freeze that is.. or give up. and i have to be near the top somehow in order to work well. strange psychology huh?
I think I figured out that for me, it doens't help if i'm at the bottom. that won't inspre me to work harder. it only works if I'm getting good grades. once I set a pattern I tend to continue that pattern i think it's a matter of belief. which also of course leads to the crazy theory that the reason I have good skin is only because I believe I have good skin. which explains why it's like that w/o me washing my face and all that. hee hee.
I think I figured out that for me, it doens't help if i'm at the bottom. that won't inspre me to work harder. it only works if I'm getting good grades. once I set a pattern I tend to continue that pattern i think it's a matter of belief. which also of course leads to the crazy theory that the reason I have good skin is only because I believe I have good skin. which explains why it's like that w/o me washing my face and all that. hee hee.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
I'm back! well actually I'm in Japan and bored out of my wits. but yeah. so have been spending lots of time online catching up and "running errands" that take frightfully long due to lack of ethernet. Sad ain't it?
Erm let's see what else. going to universal studios later. hopefully that would be entertaining. yep. And erm... yeah that's pretty much it actually. not much tosay.
Well... meg and matt have this thing going now. and I only wish it happened much earlier. it's such a relief. esp. since now meg would be less snappy and grumpy. I'm usre some of it is matt's shiny happy people thing rubbing off on her but in general I think meg needs to be attached to be happy. which is why she was extra bad when ben and filipa got to gether and all that. *sigh* maybe everybody needs somebody to be happy or something. I guess out of them I'm the only one who is as happy not attached as as. well.. filipa too mabye. or maybe we just hide it so well even from ourselves. it's hard to tell.
what else... hmm... I like my life simple and uncomplicated I guess. adn I also guess that unless I know that somene really loves me with all my heart, I don't htink I'll ever get involved. the thing is it's so hard to know my own heart. I'm sure I'm being overly stringent and lal that becaues of coruse when you first start dating someone, you don't know if you really love that person or if it's like just attraction. But then you go through the whole thing and find out if it lasts. but I guess the thing is that what happens if you find out the first time that it doesn;t? then there's this whole block there that it never will or something. and even if you want to try and start afresh or something you can't. you no longer have the whole honey moon stage to drive you starry eyed and run you through the troubles. I wonder if there is such a thing as true love that can withstand without the honey moon.
*sigh* I know I'm horrible.but I'm so drained that the only thing I am looking for now is the hooney moon. is the fun in getting to know someone and not much else. I don't think I'm ready for the work involved in everything else i guess or have the energy for it with everything else in my lfie. and that I can get from friends. I should go make new friends *grin*
Erm let's see what else. going to universal studios later. hopefully that would be entertaining. yep. And erm... yeah that's pretty much it actually. not much tosay.
Well... meg and matt have this thing going now. and I only wish it happened much earlier. it's such a relief. esp. since now meg would be less snappy and grumpy. I'm usre some of it is matt's shiny happy people thing rubbing off on her but in general I think meg needs to be attached to be happy. which is why she was extra bad when ben and filipa got to gether and all that. *sigh* maybe everybody needs somebody to be happy or something. I guess out of them I'm the only one who is as happy not attached as as. well.. filipa too mabye. or maybe we just hide it so well even from ourselves. it's hard to tell.
what else... hmm... I like my life simple and uncomplicated I guess. adn I also guess that unless I know that somene really loves me with all my heart, I don't htink I'll ever get involved. the thing is it's so hard to know my own heart. I'm sure I'm being overly stringent and lal that becaues of coruse when you first start dating someone, you don't know if you really love that person or if it's like just attraction. But then you go through the whole thing and find out if it lasts. but I guess the thing is that what happens if you find out the first time that it doesn;t? then there's this whole block there that it never will or something. and even if you want to try and start afresh or something you can't. you no longer have the whole honey moon stage to drive you starry eyed and run you through the troubles. I wonder if there is such a thing as true love that can withstand without the honey moon.
*sigh* I know I'm horrible.but I'm so drained that the only thing I am looking for now is the hooney moon. is the fun in getting to know someone and not much else. I don't think I'm ready for the work involved in everything else i guess or have the energy for it with everything else in my lfie. and that I can get from friends. I should go make new friends *grin*
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Thursday, April 24, 2003
just came back from swing.. ended up saying something that was really mean to sinch. I guess i didn't mean to but it slipped out before I thought about it. I know it was mostly because of what he said earlier and that he didn't mean it that way.. and so I shouldn't have let it get to me. *sigh* come to think of it it is kind of ego of me to have such high standards for myself huh? *sigh*
Monday, April 21, 2003
it's really easy to pretend I'm not here. i have the right words for every thing, the right thing to say. the right thing to do. the problem is so much of what i do is what I know is right to do so where does that end and me begin? How many of you actually know me beyond the things I say to you. beyond the fact that I put things in perspective, make you feel better. I made that mistake once I guess, I'm not going to make it again. I won't let you get too close, I won't let you be pulled in just because I know exactly what to say to you. That's not going to be the reason why I am a friend to any of you.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
maybe it's being an only child but why do you all think the world revolves around you. so tired. so tired of trying. so tired of making an effort. why aren't I just happy settling? why do I even get mad at you anymore? maybe I should just treat you like everyone else and let it go and not care anymore. maybe you should fade from friend to aquaintiance. maybe it's time for it to end. i don't know why i bother. I mean, you don't tell me anything. you don't check in with me and find out what's happening on my side. why the hell do I make all the effort.
Sunday, March 30, 2003
jon is probably right. I need to ask you and make you tell me before I say anything so I guess what i'm trying to do now is organize my thoughts regarding this..
what are the quesitons I should ask?
1. how do you feel about me?
2. hwen would you be happy?
3. what do you wnat to happen? what do you think wen twrong.. what do you think we should do now...
what are the quesitons I should ask?
1. how do you feel about me?
2. hwen would you be happy?
3. what do you wnat to happen? what do you think wen twrong.. what do you think we should do now...
Saturday, March 29, 2003
so derek's gone. lots of thinking to do I guess that I put off till he left. we're always the same together I guess. Somehow being together means we never really get a chance to talk. I wonder if it's because we already used up all our talking through talking so many years. but I guess we didn't really settle anything. At the moment I don't know if I'm not ready for a relationship, or if derek and I just aren't right for each other. We're very physical friends I guess, tease, carry stuff, tickle. very action based. we never seem to just sit down and talk. in fact I kind of wonder how much we really know each other at all. sometimes it feels like we've too much history and so we're never going to get beyond this point, this stage. I don't know. so, do i go back to not thinking about it and not analysing it? getting on wiht my life? maybe I should but then when else would i ever deal with it. *sigh* for now it's back to doing homework I guess.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Friday, March 14, 2003
discovered this song I really like in mandarin was originally in cantonese and there is a version that is cantonese and chinese which I really really like.. the title is hao xin fen shou.. and the mandarin title is zhi shao zhou de bi ni zhao. yep can tell why I like it huh? esp the girl guy duet it tells a story so well.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
I really really like the words to Insatiable so I'm pasting them here. :-p
When the moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves, I let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin, I'm stained in you
And all I can do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words, there's only truth
Breathe in breathe out, there is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate, our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor
But nobody knows you like I do
This world it don't understand
That I grow stronger in your hands
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby
We never sleep, we're always holding hands
Kissing for hours, talking and making plans
I feel like a better man, just being in the same room
We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say, can't close my eyes
When I'm with you
Insatiable
The way I'm loving you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby
When I look in your eyes...
When the moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves, I let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin, I'm stained in you
And all I can do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words, there's only truth
Breathe in breathe out, there is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate, our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor
But nobody knows you like I do
This world it don't understand
That I grow stronger in your hands
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby
We never sleep, we're always holding hands
Kissing for hours, talking and making plans
I feel like a better man, just being in the same room
We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say, can't close my eyes
When I'm with you
Insatiable
The way I'm loving you
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby
When I look in your eyes...
let's see.. playing catch up.. what's happened so far:
Sinch bought me dinner on saturday night as a "birthday present"
studied in tealuxe practically the whole weekend! on friday night with filipa.. although we talked more than studied.. hee hee.. on sunday night with sinch who came by later.. and on monday afternoon! and the reason for all that? midterm. today.. and I'm still not done. I hate tuesday midterms. they always occur with me being exhausted from working the night before. yesterday work was extremely tiring.. we did decide that next week.. we are going to dye all the food GREEN. hee hee. it's for St.Patrick's Day.. I'm going to have to find something green to wear.. unfortunately the only thing I have green that I can remember off the top of my head is a dartmouth shirt which I'm not even sure if I have it here... hmm.. oh well..
.....
let's see what else.... I've made a conscious decison not to go to ANY accounting sections. can't be bothered. don't want to do the extra homework for two extra little points. hmm... I might go to extra Japanese today where they read a passage. it sounded like fun. I also have to decide about Shakespeare on the Green today. I mean I want to go to audition. but at the same time I don't know if I can afford the time. i mean I suppose I could always go for fun and then not go to call backs if I decide not to do the thing.... hmm... I really want to do this but I'm nto sure I can afford the time..
I also really should get started on the Japanese research paper research thing.. although at this moment I'm very tempted to simply write a final.
.......
need to call mum and tell her I've decided to take my friends out to lunch on my birthday. *grin* I thought it would be fun. Seriously I wonder how my friends are all going ot interact on my birthday. realised I don't have very many friends "outside" the group. or rather good frineds I guess. I "know" lots of people I just don't really consider them close...
Sinch bought me dinner on saturday night as a "birthday present"
studied in tealuxe practically the whole weekend! on friday night with filipa.. although we talked more than studied.. hee hee.. on sunday night with sinch who came by later.. and on monday afternoon! and the reason for all that? midterm. today.. and I'm still not done. I hate tuesday midterms. they always occur with me being exhausted from working the night before. yesterday work was extremely tiring.. we did decide that next week.. we are going to dye all the food GREEN. hee hee. it's for St.Patrick's Day.. I'm going to have to find something green to wear.. unfortunately the only thing I have green that I can remember off the top of my head is a dartmouth shirt which I'm not even sure if I have it here... hmm.. oh well..
.....
let's see what else.... I've made a conscious decison not to go to ANY accounting sections. can't be bothered. don't want to do the extra homework for two extra little points. hmm... I might go to extra Japanese today where they read a passage. it sounded like fun. I also have to decide about Shakespeare on the Green today. I mean I want to go to audition. but at the same time I don't know if I can afford the time. i mean I suppose I could always go for fun and then not go to call backs if I decide not to do the thing.... hmm... I really want to do this but I'm nto sure I can afford the time..
I also really should get started on the Japanese research paper research thing.. although at this moment I'm very tempted to simply write a final.
.......
need to call mum and tell her I've decided to take my friends out to lunch on my birthday. *grin* I thought it would be fun. Seriously I wonder how my friends are all going ot interact on my birthday. realised I don't have very many friends "outside" the group. or rather good frineds I guess. I "know" lots of people I just don't really consider them close...
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Friday, March 07, 2003
had a usual day I guess. found out we are going ot have a japanese midterm but not the format it's going to take yet. Let's see.. what else.. hmm... my computer's back. hooray! after a loong week. my harddisk is gone though so I have to refind every single program or driver on my ocmputer and install.. every song that I really liked. yes it's very sad. oh well. at least now I can start again in making my computer neat. I always start out with having a really neat hardrive. just like I usually start out with a neat room. and neat as in everyhting in its place.. well neat. and then evetually everything gets too messy. too it's credit my computer usually stays a lot neater than my room. I guess mostly because my internal life is usally better straightened out than my external. in terms of beliefs, of right and wrong.. well almost everything really.
9 days till I turn 21. 9 days till derek comes visit
9 days till I turn 21. 9 days till derek comes visit
Sunday, March 02, 2003
Friday, February 21, 2003
I'm like a time bomb just waiting to go off. I thought i was better. I thought i'm finally okay now. and then the slightest touch and I'm ready to go off again. What's going on. honestly i don't know. I am just seriously really bad. the only thing I can do now the only thing I have to do. is to channel everything into work. I can't afford to let this semester slip I really can't. I really don't knwo what's going on.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
I don't even know what to say to you anymore. except what I'm doing now isn't the solution. I know I'm avoiding you. I know why I am. and I know I don't want to get hurt or face up to reality. and maybe if I avoid you long enough I can close myself off too. but why does it always come to that. right now, you're everything that i can't stand. I don't know how you managed to do it. lose all the good points and gain all the bad ones. someday I'm going to have to leave. the question is is it someday soon. and I'm not exactly mad. just sad. there's no more energy left ot be mad. what's the point. that's the dangerous part. now I can leave. because now there's nothing more holding me down.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
I think i'm slowly going mad. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. how much longer i can hold it all together. how much longer I can pretend to hold it all together. I can't do it. tell anybody trust anybody. I think after a while you lose the ability to do so. after a while you can no longer open your heart up as easily as you could before. shells within shells within shells. maybe I let you all think that i trust you too easily. so that you never ever get beyond that. I seriously just feel like giving up and dying or at least give up trying, let everything go. and that scares me. I almost never give in. what is it? fatigue maybe? too much stress. how much added stress is each little thing. why can I only deal with the last little thing the last little anything. Just how long would it take me to fall apart? do you know how close to snapping I am? do any of you know or even guess? I can't deal with anything anymore. everything's out of proportion. everything's being multiplied and sent back in a hundred. every little thing. I can't deal anymroe. I can't I can't I can't. I'm sorry but you have to be superhuman. don't talk to me like that. don't even let the undertone in your voice show. don't because every little thing is coming back to be hundredfold. i'm not sure how much longer i can hold it together. don't because the next time you do I might snap. the next time you do I might close for good. the next time you see me. all that's left of me might be long gone.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
i don't know whether to scream or cry and I seriously feel like doing both. NOBODY WILL LET ME SLEEP. first jo drags me up to drag me around for half an hour in the cold looking for section when we end up not even going and then chris comes in and keeps me up and then megan talks IN BED on the phone for hours so that I can't go to sleep. I WANT TO SCREAM! i haven't done any work the whole day. I've skipped most of my classes. and I'm STILL tired despite trying to sleep the whole day and getting nothing accomplished.
Besides that I've had barely anything to eat. I HATE being here. I wish everybody would just GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
Besides that I've had barely anything to eat. I HATE being here. I wish everybody would just GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
Saturday, February 08, 2003
Apparently if I'm not a terza rima I would be a lai. but I liked the little lai verse so here it is. for the record I don't think I'm either. :-p
I'm so tired of this. where's the line between keeping you from getting too close and being bitchy? where's the line between trying to be nice and being a hypocrite? too many mes. too many problems. I'm tired of being either me. tired of trying to maintain my distance so you guys don't get too close and fall in. tired of just being nice because I thought you guys outside wouldn't fall in and did. and of all of you all of you. there's no one I can be myself with. no one. I wonder what you would do if I started being myself again. I wonder if I can even break out of the old patterns and be myself to all of you. I wonder if I can ever be that way to any of you because it's simply too dangerous with anyone other than those who understand. and there the danger is that I might fall in. in this place with all the spaces between. with all that empty air to fill that anything to cling to is tempting. so so tired of having to keep those spaces alive. so so tired.
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
AARGH. I got asked out. by A and I wasn't expecting him to do anything like that. That WAS NOT supposed to happen.I half expect H or something but I so did NOT see this coming! this isn't supposed to happen. What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean I work with him for god's sake and it's fun. having his company and talking and chating and having fun at work and all but I am soooo not looking for a relationship but I want to keep him as a friend. I hate this. I don't understand the rules of the game. I don't understand the game. I need someone american. maybe I need to tell chris.
Saturday, February 01, 2003
went for reunion dinner with the singaporeans yesterday night and then we went for ice cream. it was fun!. *grin* filipa says S has been acting weird but I haven't seen any of it unless that means he has been too nice. becuase that's how I feel. :-p yeah I'm strange. it's like all of a sudden he's too friend. and I don't remember it being this way last semester. *shrug* as in last semseter was more like somewhere inbetween aquiantance and friend. I don't know what I want to do for my 21st birthday yet.. :-p *sigh* or what I want. hmm.. and it's the new year. it's chinese new year! not lots of goodies and all but still, it's chinese new year :-)
Friday, January 31, 2003
Had a good time yesterday at the first lindy lesson and mostly I'll have to admit was because I got to dance with good dancers. I mean I have swing down now and basically all I do is follow so it's lots of fun to dance with a good dancer in swing.. but having only done the basic step, you'd think I couldn't do much in lindy right? wrong! it was amazing. I was dancing with S and we started out normal and then he started putting in all kinds of turns and just really improvised moves some of which borrowed from swing the rest of it lindy. it was AMAZING. like all i had to do was follow and keep doing my basic step and I guess since I can reasonably follow in swing it helped in lindy too. *grin* like it was so much fun. even though I got so dizzy cause the lindy basic is to spin round and round really. the room was spinning around me and all I could concentrate on was doing the steps in response and where my partner was. I did catch like two couples looking at us. wow. *grin* I am so used to being the one doing the looking. but they were looking to try and see the steps we were doing. :-p yeah I know huge stroke to ego. even if as chris says, it's the guy who makes the girl look good. and how. i mean I can barely even remember the basic step and there I was doing these complicated moves!! *grin* I even got megan addicted and she's HARD. and I got chris to wish he would come too. I scored last night. to drag two unwillings to kind of wish they would come reguarly. I know it'll wear off by next week but that was a work of art!
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Since I'm mad at you at the moment and I'm not mean enough to actually send this off or maybe I am we'll see. this is where it goes.
Firstly, I'm disappointed in you. I expected better of you but I can see that obviously expecting friendship or rationality or even courage out of you is asking too much. Not fair? fine. This is what I say. if you're going to be mad at me. at least find the courage to do it to my face. Even better, maybe if you had done that then you would have heard both sides of a story. Which I would only expect out of any intelligent being. So apparently, you don't think of me enough as a friend to 1. say things to my face. 2. actually talk to me. 3. bother to find out anything maybe that makes you not worth being a friend to. I don't know. you tell me. That is of course, assuming you ever gather up enough backbone to come look for me. Tuesday, January 28, 2003Sunday, January 26, 2003
I'm a coward. and not only that a guilt ridden coward at that. so Jo's apparently staying over at James for the night. which means she's not going to come with me to the frat hting. and i'm too much of a coward to go alone. last minute too. *sigh* I'm an idiot. and now i feel guitly. does it really matter to him if I show up? you know, earlier I would have said no. no questions asked. but now. now i'm not sure. it scares me that my presence might actually matter. support. and it scares me even more that by not showing up I may be causing just that little bit of harm to someone. I'd rather endure any kind of pain myself than be the one that has to cause someone else that pain. especially if that someone is a friend. oh god how do I live.
Saturday, January 25, 2003
am supposed to go to a frat party tonight because serge's band is playing.. hmm.. *sigh* not really a huge fan of frat parties. even though this one is supposed to be less like a frat than most. still..
hmm how far does friend support have to go? I guess i should. but I'll damn well make someone else go with me man.. Friday, January 24, 2003Thursday, January 23, 2003
just went to swing. in one of the frats. I get the feeling it was a rather unofficial kind of swing just called together last minute. met a new guy but I kind of forgot his name he was quite a good dancer though and he was very nice. I was trying to learn to lead too with Jo. F came too, which was kind of fun. and P and S were there. so we had plenty of people to dance with or chat to. it was kind of strange sitting with S at a side for the short time we were though cause we automatically move to talking and it's as though everytime we are left alone he speaks like in a confession. it's not the things he says those are normal it's the way he tells things, like the way we pick up on conversations when we need to talk. Like telling you something because you need to tell not because it's something to say. I guess we're friends. Somehow I'm not sure if that's what I want. to be friends with yet another person. sounds bad doesn't it? not so much that i don't want another friend but rather it's another person to worry about to help along and I guess sometimes it's a little burden as much as it's a joy. But I'm just feeling moody, that's not it at all. I always have fun talking to him even if it's heart to heart nad heavy stuff so I guess I am just complaining for the sake of complaining. i could always use another friend. sometimes I really don't know how to act though. he complains with a the treating him like a little boy things that I do but I don't know how else to treat him if not like a little brother. I have to somehow make him a sibling and he totally isn't an older brother. then again I can never really tell if he really complains about the little boy thing or if he's just complaining because he feels he has to complain. ah well we'll have to see what comes. I still have tomorrow to deal with. ack.
feeling particuarly plagued by guys at the moment and school's barely even started. I guess firstly which I was trying to forget over vacation and kind of did, is that H is kind of getting to be friends. like kind of the say hello and sit next to and chat kind of friends in japanese. which is kinda dangerous becuase chances are we are going to japan together which could be disastrous. anyone else I would say that oh well I'll go off to japan and then that would be it. he's such a nice guy too. I don't want him to get the wrong idea. which i guess is what makes me so irritated when meg and bunch make insinuations or stuff about chris even though there I know that there's nothing there. I guess i just don't want to be reminded that I'm not immune to all this. S is coming over tomorrow too or rather stopping by after his rehearsals and there's a confusion mess all to itself. oh well at least i figured out what it is I like about S and now that that's figured out I'm not as affected. or I hope not. I guess tomorrow is the acid test. In fact, I'm not even sure what I care or that I care. *shrug* at the moment I just want to be like free of guys. *aargh* I guess to add to the mess is that D and B want to visit around the same time. I quite welcome the visits but to arrange the visits so they def. don't meet. aargh. I could learn to hate guys. just kidding. I don't think I really would. *sigh*
Monday, January 20, 2003
going to chicago was good for me I guess. not so much the place as the people. hanging out with the two Js replenished my sense of strength as to who I was and what i was doing. I guess that's something RGS gives you. that sense that you are going to do what you want to do and heck cares to whatever the consequenses may be be it failure or sucess, and whatever anybody else around you may think. it's not that we don't care what other people think i think it's that ultimately they instilled in us this kind of will and strange kind of confidence that it's our life and we should be allowed to live it. and if whatever we choose we won't look back. being away from these people and around other people who don't have that kind of confidence almost affects you. for a while I forgot that strength because I didn't have to be as strong as that even though I was still stronger than the group. and for a while I was miserable because when I had to be as strong as that I forgot I could. maybe it's true that RGS girls become unmarridgable. as so many people seem to think incuding alumni of them. and that probably goes triple for the group of us because not only were we from RGS we were from RJ and GEP. but I think I'd rather have that. I'd rather have that because it's not a matter of putting career or academics over romance or social life or stuff like that. it's a matter of having that strength to stay who you are and that goes for everything. so if guys can't accept the way we know what we want and we won't look back or regret. or the way we tend to not let a guy give us crap, i mean trust me, we don't have all those feminie qualms about splitting with a guy if 1. he doesn't love or treat the girl well. 2.he cheats or anything like that .. and you get the idea. 3. not playing up to his ego by playing the gu niang. and if that makes us unmarragible then I guess so be it. at least if we ever find a life partner. we'll know for sure that he's in it for good. that he loves us just the way we are. and he'd have to be something special. And why am i writing this all down? so that I'll have something to hang on to the next time I feel all mushy and wish I was attached just for the sake of being attached. so that the next time I feel that way I won't go out and just get attached to a guy cause he's availible without thinking truely about the guy first. I needed that reminder of who I was who I still am and who I will be. I'm glad I went to chicago.
Sunday, January 12, 2003
Over the last two weeks I was in Brazil. and I guess it gave me some time to really think about all the things that bother me about my life and I realized that half the reason S bothers me os much has nothng to do with him or any attraction to him but rather because he triggers so many unresolved things in my life that I thought were resolved. or was willing to try and pretend to forget all about it and sometimes maybe even succeed. So I guess over the next few months at school I'll try to work out all those problems. I even made a list. I knew all those mindmapping techniques had to be good for something:-p anyways. we'll see about that..when i get back to brown.
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