I have my life back.
For the last few months, I've been working incesstantly due to an urgent deadline. I got my monthly utilization report yesterday and let's just say the numbers ain't pretty. As a consequence, I pretty much put life on hold as I was working through this deadline - I haven't touched my GMAT book in months. My house was a mess. I hadn't cooked or eaten home in a month (I'm sure I have health issues from that). I saw people outside of work only a handful of times in the last few months. I haven't shopped in ages.
But all that's over now, at least for a bit. Yesterday, I had my first day off in ages. I slept, cleaned, played FF12 lots and basicially did not think about work or feel guilty about not thinking about work. It was fantastic. My goal for this week is to cut back on starbucks and coffee, eat home cooked food, play games, buy clothes and basically breathe. My goal for this month is to reduce my utilization down to 100%.
I would say 80% but I know myself too well. Somewhere between high-school and college, I somehow developed a work ethic. I used to be the kid whose parent teacher meetings usually went like this "Your daughter could be doing so much better if she would only work harder. You know she has the potential to be topping the class" and whose parents usually ended up yelling some place close to the exams "You can't be done studying, you've only spent half an hour on your books so far". If those teachers had seen me in college....
I don't know what happened exactly. I think that I don't respond well to nagging and have a very short attention span. If I'm allowed to manage my own time, I usually do much better and provide much better discipline on myself than when I'm being managed. But now that I'm out in the real world, in a job where I do most of my own time management, I'm somehow putting in an effort. I wouldn't say my best effort yet because I know somewhere in me there are resources I haven't drawn on yet and haven't needed to draw on. Nor.. I think does anybody want/need me to draw on those. The consequence of working at 200% is frequently burnout.
For now, I think, I'm going to enjoy the rest of this month and the spend the hiatus putting my life back together again.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Obsessions
For those of you who don't know yet, where I would probably fall under the category of geek is in video games and anime. It is now November. The significance of which is that FF12 is now out in stores and has been out in stores for a whole 5 days. Have I bought it? No. Have I even seen it? No. Why? Because I'm currently working 24 (-8 for sleeping) hours a day.
I want to.. no... NEED to get my hands on that game. However, I also need to for the next few weeks, work, eat and sleep, which would not happen if I did get my hands on that game. I even have to work over Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, absence is not just making my heart fonder but also more obsessed.
If I should one day burst into the office dressed in flowing clothes and carved metal designed boots brandishing a broadsword and screaming "Give me my chocobos and moogles!"... you'll know why.
I want to.. no... NEED to get my hands on that game. However, I also need to for the next few weeks, work, eat and sleep, which would not happen if I did get my hands on that game. I even have to work over Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, absence is not just making my heart fonder but also more obsessed.
If I should one day burst into the office dressed in flowing clothes and carved metal designed boots brandishing a broadsword and screaming "Give me my chocobos and moogles!"... you'll know why.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Work Weekend
So far my weekend has been work-filled but somehow I'm still in a good mood. There's something about being in the office on Sunday morning in jeans and a sweatshirt with no one else around and just being able to turn on the nostalgic Singapore chinese radio through the internet and work while staring out of the window at newbury street.
Now all I need is a mug of steaming hot coffee... think I'll go remedy that right now.
Now all I need is a mug of steaming hot coffee... think I'll go remedy that right now.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
College parties
This weekend I was persuaded to attend a party that i should have never gone to. Despite the fact that we were all out of college, this was very much a college party, complete with the loud music, and copious amounts of beer. There were some changes though. The beer pong was changed to water pong - not that it stopped everybody from getting really drunk. And there was no random hooking up in various rooms (guess we're all too old, and if everybody was a friend of a friend, too wise for that).
As I was hiding upstairs together with a few of my friends, unable to go home because we had one friend actually enjoying herself (also the person we were staying with and therefore key to us being able to get home), I remembered why I had avoided most of the parties in college.
In some ways I miss the days before we all had money and ways in which to spend it. Going out with friends now invariably involves going to bars and playing darts or going to bars and drinking or dancing. There was a time ten years ago, with people I still remember fondly when we'd meet for dinner one night all of us from different schools and because we had no money, we'd sit out and watch the stars come out and talk about our hopes, our dreams and our lives. There are some things that money can't buy and unfortunately some things that money just doesn't seem to help.
As I was hiding upstairs together with a few of my friends, unable to go home because we had one friend actually enjoying herself (also the person we were staying with and therefore key to us being able to get home), I remembered why I had avoided most of the parties in college.
In some ways I miss the days before we all had money and ways in which to spend it. Going out with friends now invariably involves going to bars and playing darts or going to bars and drinking or dancing. There was a time ten years ago, with people I still remember fondly when we'd meet for dinner one night all of us from different schools and because we had no money, we'd sit out and watch the stars come out and talk about our hopes, our dreams and our lives. There are some things that money can't buy and unfortunately some things that money just doesn't seem to help.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Mute
I miss my words. Lately I don't have the time or emotional energy to write and haven't for two years. Since the whole thesis and work life thing actually started. Last week, I came across stuff that I wrote several years back and suddenly realized how much I missed that part of my life.
The problem is not that I can't find the time. You can always make time for something you love. I think the problem is more that moving, adjusting to a new job, and just living is pretty much taking up all of my attention. I write when I'm bored.... when I'm bubbling over with something that has to spill out somewhere. Lately, I think I've been living my life on the outside of my skin so much I've lost the road that I used to take to the core of what I am.
While I can't start writing again in a day. What I can do is start small. I can write a little each day. small things. random things. and who knows? some day I might start writing something I like again.
The problem is not that I can't find the time. You can always make time for something you love. I think the problem is more that moving, adjusting to a new job, and just living is pretty much taking up all of my attention. I write when I'm bored.... when I'm bubbling over with something that has to spill out somewhere. Lately, I think I've been living my life on the outside of my skin so much I've lost the road that I used to take to the core of what I am.
While I can't start writing again in a day. What I can do is start small. I can write a little each day. small things. random things. and who knows? some day I might start writing something I like again.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The meaning of life
"What are you supposed to do in life? You're born, you eat, you sleep... what else are you supposed to do?" I was watching honey and clover and this struck me as a question for which there is no real answer. Is the meaning of human life merely to propogate our species?
It's so easy to get caught up in this you go to work, you eat, you sleep, you go to school, you go to more school so you can do more work. What's the meaning behind it all? Maybe there isn't one. And if so, then wouldn't it be just fine if we can all just do what we'd like to do? But Life isn't so simple. Maybe what you'd like to do wouldn't lead you to be able to eat and sleep well and so you have to find something you'd like to do a little less.
I'm trying to weigh the costs and benefits. Would doing business school really get me where I want to go? Do I even know where I want to go? Maybe that's the real question. I've a feeling that that one will take me my entire life to answer.
It's so easy to get caught up in this you go to work, you eat, you sleep, you go to school, you go to more school so you can do more work. What's the meaning behind it all? Maybe there isn't one. And if so, then wouldn't it be just fine if we can all just do what we'd like to do? But Life isn't so simple. Maybe what you'd like to do wouldn't lead you to be able to eat and sleep well and so you have to find something you'd like to do a little less.
I'm trying to weigh the costs and benefits. Would doing business school really get me where I want to go? Do I even know where I want to go? Maybe that's the real question. I've a feeling that that one will take me my entire life to answer.
Monday, September 11, 2006
How not to manage
It's Monday morning after what can be described as a bad week at work. So bad that the weekend wasn't quite enough to recover from it, although I did get lots of chores done. In explanation I should probably say that I usually love my work, and I've had the fantastic opportunity of having had lots of good experiences with lots of people who are fantastic people to work for and to work with. Currently though, I'm on this one case which I can only say would not be so such a bad case if not for the people on it.
I'm sure the people on it are perfectly nice people, and in real life I'd probably like them, but I'm learning a lot on how NOT to manage from them. For instance, while in an investment bank it might be okay to make people work 90 hour weeks forever, in my company you don't expect your teams to work 50-60 hour weeks for 2 months straight when the expectation is 40 hour weeks. You also do not yell at your analysts, or the other managers for doing work on other cases because analysts generally know how to allocate their time between what is urgent.
I guess I'm also learning a lot on what it means to be middle management and what to do and not do. The one thing I have learnt, is that it is demoralizing to workers if middle management is negative. As middle management, never criticize the managers openly, and never express negativity about the feasibility of meeting deadlines or your own workload because it is demoralizing to the workers who consequently feel they have to take on everything.
I need to be off this case. I can't believe I have at least two more months of this to look forward to. JB says that if you hate work for more than a month you should quit, but there are and will be other cases so that doesn't always make sense.
I'm sure the people on it are perfectly nice people, and in real life I'd probably like them, but I'm learning a lot on how NOT to manage from them. For instance, while in an investment bank it might be okay to make people work 90 hour weeks forever, in my company you don't expect your teams to work 50-60 hour weeks for 2 months straight when the expectation is 40 hour weeks. You also do not yell at your analysts, or the other managers for doing work on other cases because analysts generally know how to allocate their time between what is urgent.
I guess I'm also learning a lot on what it means to be middle management and what to do and not do. The one thing I have learnt, is that it is demoralizing to workers if middle management is negative. As middle management, never criticize the managers openly, and never express negativity about the feasibility of meeting deadlines or your own workload because it is demoralizing to the workers who consequently feel they have to take on everything.
I need to be off this case. I can't believe I have at least two more months of this to look forward to. JB says that if you hate work for more than a month you should quit, but there are and will be other cases so that doesn't always make sense.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Does the soul-crunching life-absorbing kind of love exist? The kind that all songs are based on... the kind of that makes you drop everything for it and kill yourself when it is over? Because if it does, I don't believe I am capable of it.
I won't pine away and die because you're not here. Won't cry myself to sleep or otherwise. When my friends here ask if I'm okay, I think it's strange that they would ask. Of course I'm okay, more than okay. I have a fulfilling job, friends, a life beyond you and so do you. We are ourselves complete and neither define nor run into each other like a palette of watercolours.
... but the world seems just a little more leeched of colour, a little more empty and a little more lonely when you're not around.
I won't pine away and die because you're not here. Won't cry myself to sleep or otherwise. When my friends here ask if I'm okay, I think it's strange that they would ask. Of course I'm okay, more than okay. I have a fulfilling job, friends, a life beyond you and so do you. We are ourselves complete and neither define nor run into each other like a palette of watercolours.
... but the world seems just a little more leeched of colour, a little more empty and a little more lonely when you're not around.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Two minute happiness.
Quiet sips of my Iced Cafe Mocha from Starbucks. Outside the world is turning, bustling on another hot summer's day. My apartment is a mess because I'm moving tomorrow and yet still not packed.
But here, with my coffee in my quiet cube early on Wednesday morning, it's okay to take two minutes out of the race for time that is my life. Transience has always been and perhaps will always be a part of my life. Yesterday, I lived in Boston, tomorrow in Brookline, a distance not far in miles but moves are never easy nor measured in miles. It's been a year. This time, next year, where will I be? Or the year after.
For now, it's enough that I am here.
But here, with my coffee in my quiet cube early on Wednesday morning, it's okay to take two minutes out of the race for time that is my life. Transience has always been and perhaps will always be a part of my life. Yesterday, I lived in Boston, tomorrow in Brookline, a distance not far in miles but moves are never easy nor measured in miles. It's been a year. This time, next year, where will I be? Or the year after.
For now, it's enough that I am here.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Enduring Praise.
It's review season in the office. I hate writing reviews both for myself and others. Writing the reviews means I have to sit down and think. It means I have to judge myself and others on how well we've done, to sum up the scale of our acheivements which in the large scheme of things mean nothing. It means I have to think of things to say to people during reviews good and bad. And worse it means I have to sit in front of those self-same people and endure praise.
Criticism I get. I'm full of flaws. Sitting and writing my self evaluation always makes me sharply aware of all the things I could be doing better. Looking at my finished self evaluation makes me think. This. This is what the last 6 months of my life amounted to. Was it worth the 1/160th of my life? Was it worth doing? Did it make the world better? Did it make me better? The answer to all these questions of course is rarely yes.
The worse is having to endure praise. To sit, with a fake smile on my face and listen to praise which might or might not be platitudes, desgined to pacify and console. If they mean the praise, I have succeeded in getting away with the largest con. Then I wish I could really be the image of me they hold in their minds. Either way, praise is a double edged blade that never seems to bring me much joy.
P says I'm too hard on myself and have too low expectations of others. I never seem to think of much criticism of others. To me, they are what they are. I can think of good things to say but never bad ones. N says she feels bad complaining about her cases because I never complain about mine, however bad they might be. Simply, its because I don't think they are bad. They just are what they are.
I grew up starved of praise. I remember having tremendous fights with my mother on why everything I did was wrong. Why nothing I did pleased her. Perhaps growing up without much praise, I've grown uncomfortable around praise. I don't know how to deal with it and can never believe it to be true. Hopefully, this hasn't affected my ability to give praise. At some point in the past, I set my hopes at the lowest common denominator so that I would never be disappointed but I must remember to credit others when they exceed my hopes because even if I don't deal well with praise , others do.
Criticism I get. I'm full of flaws. Sitting and writing my self evaluation always makes me sharply aware of all the things I could be doing better. Looking at my finished self evaluation makes me think. This. This is what the last 6 months of my life amounted to. Was it worth the 1/160th of my life? Was it worth doing? Did it make the world better? Did it make me better? The answer to all these questions of course is rarely yes.
The worse is having to endure praise. To sit, with a fake smile on my face and listen to praise which might or might not be platitudes, desgined to pacify and console. If they mean the praise, I have succeeded in getting away with the largest con. Then I wish I could really be the image of me they hold in their minds. Either way, praise is a double edged blade that never seems to bring me much joy.
P says I'm too hard on myself and have too low expectations of others. I never seem to think of much criticism of others. To me, they are what they are. I can think of good things to say but never bad ones. N says she feels bad complaining about her cases because I never complain about mine, however bad they might be. Simply, its because I don't think they are bad. They just are what they are.
I grew up starved of praise. I remember having tremendous fights with my mother on why everything I did was wrong. Why nothing I did pleased her. Perhaps growing up without much praise, I've grown uncomfortable around praise. I don't know how to deal with it and can never believe it to be true. Hopefully, this hasn't affected my ability to give praise. At some point in the past, I set my hopes at the lowest common denominator so that I would never be disappointed but I must remember to credit others when they exceed my hopes because even if I don't deal well with praise , others do.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Copied from my white board
for Prithi:
1. Laugh
2. Cut down on coffee
3. Slow down, butnot really
4. Don't work on anyone else's cases
5. Do Prithi's to-do list
(I have a white board which I write to dos on and haven't updated in a while but my associate wrote this on my white board)
1. Laugh
2. Cut down on coffee
3. Slow down, butnot really
4. Don't work on anyone else's cases
5. Do Prithi's to-do list
(I have a white board which I write to dos on and haven't updated in a while but my associate wrote this on my white board)
Sunday, March 12, 2006
on being placed out of a rat race into the real world
I wonder if being in the Singapore education system was somehow damaging to my ego. I never think anything I do is amazing or exceptional but apparently, I'm beginning to realize that sometimes the people who work with me do.
To begin with a disclaimer, I'm one of the fastest readers I know. What that essentially means, is that I'm really good at reading through things fast and gaining an understanding of them. For some strange reason I'm also good at pulling them up again when somebody needs a certain point found in one of those documents. But useful as it may be in the working world, reading fast is not a skill that anyone really needs in the school system. Certainly it helps, but there are no exams that test you on how fast you read.
There are other things that I do well at work at and as a result am appreciated at work which is somewhat of an ego boost. For 12 years of my life, no matter how well I did, there was always someone better or something better that I could be acheiving and in many ways we were all brainwashed to think that way. Do well in school? There could be a better school that you should be aiming for. Even in the 4 years of college here, some of that brainwashing hung over, with a GPA of 3.9 something, there is this faint nagging feeling of why was it not a 4? And no matter how effortlessly it all comes by, there are always the geniuses who go drinking all night and whiz through the exams with 100% to compare yourself to.
At work though, there are so many immeasurable things. Intelligence alone doesn't get you anywhere, neither does social skills. I like that there's no proper way to quantify how well you do any longer, because there is no pressure. I do the best that I can do and that's that. Which is why praise comes as an unexpected surprise and ego boost.
To begin with a disclaimer, I'm one of the fastest readers I know. What that essentially means, is that I'm really good at reading through things fast and gaining an understanding of them. For some strange reason I'm also good at pulling them up again when somebody needs a certain point found in one of those documents. But useful as it may be in the working world, reading fast is not a skill that anyone really needs in the school system. Certainly it helps, but there are no exams that test you on how fast you read.
There are other things that I do well at work at and as a result am appreciated at work which is somewhat of an ego boost. For 12 years of my life, no matter how well I did, there was always someone better or something better that I could be acheiving and in many ways we were all brainwashed to think that way. Do well in school? There could be a better school that you should be aiming for. Even in the 4 years of college here, some of that brainwashing hung over, with a GPA of 3.9 something, there is this faint nagging feeling of why was it not a 4? And no matter how effortlessly it all comes by, there are always the geniuses who go drinking all night and whiz through the exams with 100% to compare yourself to.
At work though, there are so many immeasurable things. Intelligence alone doesn't get you anywhere, neither does social skills. I like that there's no proper way to quantify how well you do any longer, because there is no pressure. I do the best that I can do and that's that. Which is why praise comes as an unexpected surprise and ego boost.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
連れてくれる誰か
＜。。。でも、おれはずうと待ってたからなあ。。。連れてくれる誰か＞
I don't have the book here with me now but in "A game of you", it was said that Little boys dream of being third sons, tailors but not princes where little girls dream of being princesses, that some day they would be claimed by their real mothers and fathers in a kingdom where they were the princess.
I guess all girls have a wish to be swept off their feet, taken away from it all and never to again have to worry and care about anything in the world and perhaps that's just an element of social conditioning.
No matter how independent, mature, and self-sufficient I become, and no matter how increasingly my rational brain tells me I could never be happy if I didn't have challenging problems to solve at work, there's still a faint hope of that little girl in me somewhere that someday someone will just take me away from it all.
I don't have the book here with me now but in "A game of you", it was said that Little boys dream of being third sons, tailors but not princes where little girls dream of being princesses, that some day they would be claimed by their real mothers and fathers in a kingdom where they were the princess.
I guess all girls have a wish to be swept off their feet, taken away from it all and never to again have to worry and care about anything in the world and perhaps that's just an element of social conditioning.
No matter how independent, mature, and self-sufficient I become, and no matter how increasingly my rational brain tells me I could never be happy if I didn't have challenging problems to solve at work, there's still a faint hope of that little girl in me somewhere that someday someone will just take me away from it all.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I found a new song I like. It's called 想念你的歌. I just like the words.
In other news, I'm busy at work again. I like my job and all but sometimes I wonder if there's anything more to life. Sometimes it just seems as though life in its whole is like being in an ant farm. There must be more than this but you just can't see it, and all you have in front of you is the usual paths and things that everyone else is doing and so you do it too.
When I was in Singapore, I felt trapped in by society, by family, by expectations. Strangely enough, out of Singapore, with the whole world at my feet and really anywhere that I can go, I don't feel any more free. Or maybe I am free but suddenly realize that there's no place else to go. No cage to break out of, but no larger world to break into either. I can't even tell you what I'm looking for. I have everything I want... rewarding work, challenge, enough pay to live comfortably, friends, a life.
So yet while there's nothing I want, there's a quiet yearning for something more, something different, something better that doesn't exist.
In other news, I'm busy at work again. I like my job and all but sometimes I wonder if there's anything more to life. Sometimes it just seems as though life in its whole is like being in an ant farm. There must be more than this but you just can't see it, and all you have in front of you is the usual paths and things that everyone else is doing and so you do it too.
When I was in Singapore, I felt trapped in by society, by family, by expectations. Strangely enough, out of Singapore, with the whole world at my feet and really anywhere that I can go, I don't feel any more free. Or maybe I am free but suddenly realize that there's no place else to go. No cage to break out of, but no larger world to break into either. I can't even tell you what I'm looking for. I have everything I want... rewarding work, challenge, enough pay to live comfortably, friends, a life.
So yet while there's nothing I want, there's a quiet yearning for something more, something different, something better that doesn't exist.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
4 meme
Just felt like doing one (a meme). At some point I'll do the other number ones....
4 Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Analyst (current job) basically all round researcher/analyst random stuff person
2. Summer analyst (trading floor)
3. Cafe counter girl
4. English teacher (sadly to say this was the best paying job of all... US$35 an hour!)
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over Again
Disclaimer: I'm not a big fan of movies so erm.. actually its more like 4 I would watch again rather than over and over again.
1. Mirrormask
2. Finding Nemo
3. Love Letter (Japanese)
4. Samurai X (I forget the title but its the tragic one with his past)
4 TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. CSI (The original)
2. Coupling! (British version please)
3. Whose Line is it Anyway
4. Anime (I know I'm being generic)
4 Places You've Lived In
1. Kyoto, Japan
2. Singapore
3. Boston/Providence US (I know there're different but sorta close)
4. Tokyo, Japan
4 Places You've Been On Vacation To
1. Australia (Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide...)
2. Brazil
3. London
4. Palm Springs/LA
4 Places You'd Rather Be
1. Kyoto. Either downtown or in one of the many gardens.
2. Disneyland or DisneySea (in tokyo)
3. .. The rest it's not so much I'd rather be there as who I'd rather be with...
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Raw Fish.. namely Ikura and Negitoro Donburi.
2. Warabi Mochi
3. Yam Paste.. the teochew kind that's super fattenning
4. parfeitts :-p
4 Websites You Visit Daily
1. Gmail
2. Google... generally the news section
3. boingboing.net (lately)
4. random webcomics and blogs
4 Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Analyst (current job) basically all round researcher/analyst random stuff person
2. Summer analyst (trading floor)
3. Cafe counter girl
4. English teacher (sadly to say this was the best paying job of all... US$35 an hour!)
4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over Again
Disclaimer: I'm not a big fan of movies so erm.. actually its more like 4 I would watch again rather than over and over again.
1. Mirrormask
2. Finding Nemo
3. Love Letter (Japanese)
4. Samurai X (I forget the title but its the tragic one with his past)
4 TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. CSI (The original)
2. Coupling! (British version please)
3. Whose Line is it Anyway
4. Anime (I know I'm being generic)
4 Places You've Lived In
1. Kyoto, Japan
2. Singapore
3. Boston/Providence US (I know there're different but sorta close)
4. Tokyo, Japan
4 Places You've Been On Vacation To
1. Australia (Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide...)
2. Brazil
3. London
4. Palm Springs/LA
4 Places You'd Rather Be
1. Kyoto. Either downtown or in one of the many gardens.
2. Disneyland or DisneySea (in tokyo)
3. .. The rest it's not so much I'd rather be there as who I'd rather be with...
4 Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Raw Fish.. namely Ikura and Negitoro Donburi.
2. Warabi Mochi
3. Yam Paste.. the teochew kind that's super fattenning
4. parfeitts :-p
4 Websites You Visit Daily
1. Gmail
2. Google... generally the news section
3. boingboing.net (lately)
4. random webcomics and blogs
Friday, February 03, 2006
of everybody I know, who came from singapore to study here, I think I'm the only one that chose to stay. Of course, I'm the only one who had the choice to stay not being on scholarship, but lately I've been thinking that maybe that was a good thing after all... a very good thing.
Over cny, my mum found out that nobody she knew in Singapore was happy in their job. Not one of my cousins, not one of her friends' children. Suddenly, she decided to stop pressuring me to come home.
As tiring as my job is (the 2am nights are likely to continue again soon), it is also among other things, challenging, interesting and above all, fulfilling. In addition, it's a pleasure working with other people who feel the same way about the job because you can rely on them to do the best they can and to get things done. In contrast, I think if I were to go home to work, I'd feel stuck and be surrounded by many people feeling the same way.
Not to disparage many of the scholars who have gone home, (some of them are happy where they are), but I think I got the better deal here. Sure I have a bunch of debt and sure I may be far away from many of the people I care about and who care about me, but in exchange, the job I spend 50-70 out of 112 or so waking hours each week, I go to each day happily.
Of course, right now I still have a ton of friends in the area who I hang out with and enjoy life with so lonliness is not a factor but we can't all stay here forever. If I follow the typical american path, or at least the one my friends seem to take, I'd be going to grad school in a couple of years (some kind of grad school anyway, MBA, Law or Phd) and then after that would be a whole new set of choices again.
Over cny, my mum found out that nobody she knew in Singapore was happy in their job. Not one of my cousins, not one of her friends' children. Suddenly, she decided to stop pressuring me to come home.
As tiring as my job is (the 2am nights are likely to continue again soon), it is also among other things, challenging, interesting and above all, fulfilling. In addition, it's a pleasure working with other people who feel the same way about the job because you can rely on them to do the best they can and to get things done. In contrast, I think if I were to go home to work, I'd feel stuck and be surrounded by many people feeling the same way.
Not to disparage many of the scholars who have gone home, (some of them are happy where they are), but I think I got the better deal here. Sure I have a bunch of debt and sure I may be far away from many of the people I care about and who care about me, but in exchange, the job I spend 50-70 out of 112 or so waking hours each week, I go to each day happily.
Of course, right now I still have a ton of friends in the area who I hang out with and enjoy life with so lonliness is not a factor but we can't all stay here forever. If I follow the typical american path, or at least the one my friends seem to take, I'd be going to grad school in a couple of years (some kind of grad school anyway, MBA, Law or Phd) and then after that would be a whole new set of choices again.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
My work week is getting on the ridiculous side... i.e. the reason why I decided not to do investment banking. So far its been Sunday 6 hours, Monday 11 hours, Tues 15.5 hours, Wed 16 hours... it's thursday morning and I really don't want to crawl to work because I'm just so tired. I think that under a "normal" work week system I've already exceeded the number of hours most people work in a week within half the week.
I just really really really need some rest at this point.
I just really really really need some rest at this point.