jon is probably right. I need to ask you and make you tell me before I say anything so I guess what i'm trying to do now is organize my thoughts regarding this..
what are the quesitons I should ask?
1. how do you feel about me?
2. hwen would you be happy?
3. what do you wnat to happen? what do you think wen twrong.. what do you think we should do now...

so derek's gone. lots of thinking to do I guess that I put off till he left. we're always the same together I guess. Somehow being together means we never really get a chance to talk. I wonder if it's because we already used up all our talking through talking so many years. but I guess we didn't really settle anything. At the moment I don't know if I'm not ready for a relationship, or if derek and I just aren't right for each other. We're very physical friends I guess, tease, carry stuff, tickle. very action based. we never seem to just sit down and talk. in fact I kind of wonder how much we really know each other at all. sometimes it feels like we've too much history and so we're never going to get beyond this point, this stage. I don't know. so, do i go back to not thinking about it and not analysing it? getting on wiht my life? maybe I should but then when else would i ever deal with it. *sigh* for now it's back to doing homework I guess.

walked like at least 12 miles today at newport.. *sigh* feet are going to fall off. haven't had much time to blog cause D is here. will catch up later.

discovered this song I really like in mandarin was originally in cantonese and there is a version that is cantonese and chinese which I really really like.. the title is hao xin fen shou.. and the mandarin title is zhi shao zhou de bi ni zhao. yep can tell why I like it huh? esp the girl guy duet it tells a story so well.

earphones do not like me. this is the second set I've broken. *lol* damnit if derek wasn't going to frantically be packing today I would ask him to get me a set :-p

just came back from a swing dance. it was fun :-p esp watching all the good dancers.
hmm what else? essay due tomorrow not done writing. or rather not sure of the grammer in the essay. 3 days till derek comes. :-p

I really really like the words to Insatiable so I'm pasting them here. :-p

When the moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves, I let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin, I'm stained in you

And all I can do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words, there's only truth
Breathe in breathe out, there is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate, our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor

But nobody knows you like I do
This world it don't understand
That I grow stronger in your hands

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby

We never sleep, we're always holding hands
Kissing for hours, talking and making plans
I feel like a better man, just being in the same room

We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say, can't close my eyes
When I'm with you
Insatiable
The way I'm loving you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable, baby

When I look in your eyes...

just fiinshed watching ayashi no ceres... it's very very good. reminds me a lot of angel sanctuary in so many ways and x in yet others. very sad but very good. esp. with the guys.. hee hee. had a long talk with d this afternoon. *sigh* too tired to think about it. homework time I guess.

let's see.. playing catch up.. what's happened so far:
Sinch bought me dinner on saturday night as a "birthday present"
studied in tealuxe practically the whole weekend! on friday night with filipa.. although we talked more than studied.. hee hee.. on sunday night with sinch who came by later.. and on monday afternoon! and the reason for all that? midterm. today.. and I'm still not done. I hate tuesday midterms. they always occur with me being exhausted from working the night before. yesterday work was extremely tiring.. we did decide that next week.. we are going to dye all the food GREEN. hee hee. it's for St.Patrick's Day.. I'm going to have to find something green to wear.. unfortunately the only thing I have green that I can remember off the top of my head is a dartmouth shirt which I'm not even sure if I have it here... hmm.. oh well..
.....
let's see what else.... I've made a conscious decison not to go to ANY accounting sections. can't be bothered. don't want to do the extra homework for two extra little points. hmm... I might go to extra Japanese today where they read a passage. it sounded like fun. I also have to decide about Shakespeare on the Green today. I mean I want to go to audition. but at the same time I don't know if I can afford the time. i mean I suppose I could always go for fun and then not go to call backs if I decide not to do the thing.... hmm... I really want to do this but I'm nto sure I can afford the time..
I also really should get started on the Japanese research paper research thing.. although at this moment I'm very tempted to simply write a final.
.......
need to call mum and tell her I've decided to take my friends out to lunch on my birthday. *grin* I thought it would be fun. Seriously I wonder how my friends are all going ot interact on my birthday. realised I don't have very many friends "outside" the group. or rather good frineds I guess. I "know" lots of people I just don't really consider them close...

I got in the study abroad program! now I just wait for them to send me the materials!

had lunch out. walked 45 min back from the restaurant. doing homework. too much work and too little time.

had a usual day I guess. found out we are going ot have a japanese midterm but not the format it's going to take yet. Let's see.. what else.. hmm... my computer's back. hooray! after a loong week. my harddisk is gone though so I have to refind every single program or driver on my ocmputer and install.. every song that I really liked. yes it's very sad. oh well. at least now I can start again in making my computer neat. I always start out with having a really neat hardrive. just like I usually start out with a neat room. and neat as in everyhting in its place.. well neat. and then evetually everything gets too messy. too it's credit my computer usually stays a lot neater than my room. I guess mostly because my internal life is usally better straightened out than my external. in terms of beliefs, of right and wrong.. well almost everything really.
9 days till I turn 21. 9 days till derek comes visit

okay my comp completely crashed
like completely. hard disk gone everything. so apparently IBM's going to send me a box for me to put my comp in to send to them. great huh? enforced abstaining from computer for how long? no idea.
*sigh*
this is sooo not my week.