so derek's gone. lots of thinking to do I guess that I put off till he left. we're always the same together I guess. Somehow being together means we never really get a chance to talk. I wonder if it's because we already used up all our talking through talking so many years. but I guess we didn't really settle anything. At the moment I don't know if I'm not ready for a relationship, or if derek and I just aren't right for each other. We're very physical friends I guess, tease, carry stuff, tickle. very action based. we never seem to just sit down and talk. in fact I kind of wonder how much we really know each other at all. sometimes it feels like we've too much history and so we're never going to get beyond this point, this stage. I don't know. so, do i go back to not thinking about it and not analysing it? getting on wiht my life? maybe I should but then when else would i ever deal with it. *sigh* for now it's back to doing homework I guess.