went shopping yesterday in namba, and found a cool bookshop. Bought yoshimoto banana's kitchen in japanese. hopefully having a book i like will inspire me to go through it and learn well. *griN*
let's see what else did we do... we had fun... it was tiring. don't remember much else. tonight I'm going out for dinner with the malaysians and singaporeans or something so it seems. ooh boy. *sigh*
hmm.. typhoon hitting so may not be able to go to kyoto tomorrow. *sigh* I really want to go so I hope this all works out.

it's me again. hmm let's see.. went to USJ yesterday which was fun excpet for the lack of enough thrills. yeah I love thrills. I can't decide if that's somehow related to me working well under stress... hmmm.. defintely something to think about. but yeah. for some reason stress doesn't have the effect of freezing me like a rabbit caught under headlights. correction scratch that. I think if I feel its a hopeless case I would do that.. freeze that is.. or give up. and i have to be near the top somehow in order to work well. strange psychology huh?
I think I figured out that for me, it doens't help if i'm at the bottom. that won't inspre me to work harder. it only works if I'm getting good grades. once I set a pattern I tend to continue that pattern i think it's a matter of belief. which also of course leads to the crazy theory that the reason I have good skin is only because I believe I have good skin. which explains why it's like that w/o me washing my face and all that. hee hee.

I'm back! well actually I'm in Japan and bored out of my wits. but yeah. so have been spending lots of time online catching up and "running errands" that take frightfully long due to lack of ethernet. Sad ain't it?
Erm let's see what else. going to universal studios later. hopefully that would be entertaining. yep. And erm... yeah that's pretty much it actually. not much tosay.

Well... meg and matt have this thing going now. and I only wish it happened much earlier. it's such a relief. esp. since now meg would be less snappy and grumpy. I'm usre some of it is matt's shiny happy people thing rubbing off on her but in general I think meg needs to be attached to be happy. which is why she was extra bad when ben and filipa got to gether and all that. *sigh* maybe everybody needs somebody to be happy or something. I guess out of them I'm the only one who is as happy not attached as as. well.. filipa too mabye. or maybe we just hide it so well even from ourselves. it's hard to tell.

what else... hmm... I like my life simple and uncomplicated I guess. adn I also guess that unless I know that somene really loves me with all my heart, I don't htink I'll ever get involved. the thing is it's so hard to know my own heart. I'm sure I'm being overly stringent and lal that becaues of coruse when you first start dating someone, you don't know if you really love that person or if it's like just attraction. But then you go through the whole thing and find out if it lasts. but I guess the thing is that what happens if you find out the first time that it doesn;t? then there's this whole block there that it never will or something. and even if you want to try and start afresh or something you can't. you no longer have the whole honey moon stage to drive you starry eyed and run you through the troubles. I wonder if there is such a thing as true love that can withstand without the honey moon.

*sigh* I know I'm horrible.but I'm so drained that the only thing I am looking for now is the hooney moon. is the fun in getting to know someone and not much else. I don't think I'm ready for the work involved in everything else i guess or have the energy for it with everything else in my lfie. and that I can get from friends. I should go make new friends *grin*

last day of work! whoo hoo! hee hee. exam on wednesday. streesed. streesed for other reasons as well. *sigh*

so there's a jet that shoots out water to fill the mop bucket. guess who pressed the trigger to fill the bucket without looking first which way it was pointing? guess who got wet? aargh. so not my day.

found out recently that I am apparently tkaing 3 really hard classes. I guess 121 needn't have been so hard if i had taken it with someone else.. but yasuhara AND another yasuhara diffulty class? hmm.. yeah I must be machoistic only I didn't know it when I did sign up for these classes.

just came back from swing.. ended up saying something that was really mean to sinch. I guess i didn't mean to but it slipped out before I thought about it. I know it was mostly because of what he said earlier and that he didn't mean it that way.. and so I shouldn't have let it get to me. *sigh* come to think of it it is kind of ego of me to have such high standards for myself huh? *sigh*

it's really easy to pretend I'm not here. i have the right words for every thing, the right thing to say. the right thing to do. the problem is so much of what i do is what I know is right to do so where does that end and me begin? How many of you actually know me beyond the things I say to you. beyond the fact that I put things in perspective, make you feel better. I made that mistake once I guess, I'm not going to make it again. I won't let you get too close, I won't let you be pulled in just because I know exactly what to say to you. That's not going to be the reason why I am a friend to any of you.

exam in an hour and again I didn't study very much... I wonder if it's a disability of sometime not being able to study.. not even panic study.

back to studying i guess

maybe it's being an only child but why do you all think the world revolves around you. so tired. so tired of trying. so tired of making an effort. why aren't I just happy settling? why do I even get mad at you anymore? maybe I should just treat you like everyone else and let it go and not care anymore. maybe you should fade from friend to aquaintiance. maybe it's time for it to end. i don't know why i bother. I mean, you don't tell me anything. you don't check in with me and find out what's happening on my side. why the hell do I make all the effort.