I'm so tired of this. where's the line between keeping you from getting too close and being bitchy? where's the line between trying to be nice and being a hypocrite? too many mes. too many problems. I'm tired of being either me. tired of trying to maintain my distance so you guys don't get too close and fall in. tired of just being nice because I thought you guys outside wouldn't fall in and did. and of all of you all of you. there's no one I can be myself with. no one. I wonder what you would do if I started being myself again. I wonder if I can even break out of the old patterns and be myself to all of you. I wonder if I can ever be that way to any of you because it's simply too dangerous with anyone other than those who understand. and there the danger is that I might fall in. in this place with all the spaces between. with all that empty air to fill that anything to cling to is tempting. so so tired of having to keep those spaces alive. so so tired.