going to chicago was good for me I guess. not so much the place as the people. hanging out with the two Js replenished my sense of strength as to who I was and what i was doing. I guess that's something RGS gives you. that sense that you are going to do what you want to do and heck cares to whatever the consequenses may be be it failure or sucess, and whatever anybody else around you may think. it's not that we don't care what other people think i think it's that ultimately they instilled in us this kind of will and strange kind of confidence that it's our life and we should be allowed to live it. and if whatever we choose we won't look back. being away from these people and around other people who don't have that kind of confidence almost affects you. for a while I forgot that strength because I didn't have to be as strong as that even though I was still stronger than the group. and for a while I was miserable because when I had to be as strong as that I forgot I could. maybe it's true that RGS girls become unmarridgable. as so many people seem to think incuding alumni of them. and that probably goes triple for the group of us because not only were we from RGS we were from RJ and GEP. but I think I'd rather have that. I'd rather have that because it's not a matter of putting career or academics over romance or social life or stuff like that. it's a matter of having that strength to stay who you are and that goes for everything. so if guys can't accept the way we know what we want and we won't look back or regret. or the way we tend to not let a guy give us crap, i mean trust me, we don't have all those feminie qualms about splitting with a guy if 1. he doesn't love or treat the girl well. 2.he cheats or anything like that .. and you get the idea. 3. not playing up to his ego by playing the gu niang. and if that makes us unmarragible then I guess so be it. at least if we ever find a life partner. we'll know for sure that he's in it for good. that he loves us just the way we are. and he'd have to be something special. And why am i writing this all down? so that I'll have something to hang on to the next time I feel all mushy and wish I was attached just for the sake of being attached. so that the next time I feel that way I won't go out and just get attached to a guy cause he's availible without thinking truely about the guy first. I needed that reminder of who I was who I still am and who I will be. I'm glad I went to chicago.